The Lists

     Decided to stop at E-Mart on the walk home yesterday. So instead of a two mile stretch down a busy road my path took me out through the tranquil rice patties and cow farms.  It's really gorgeous out there.  The humble wooden shacks, old tractors, churned up fields waiting for the irrigation sluice gates to drop so they can be flooded for the spring planting.  The view offered from those small country roads is about 4 miles flat out in every direction.  It can be really deceptive when trying to gauge distance but it's the perfect place for watching low flying military aircraft on approach to Osan Airforce Base.  I can't tell you how many times I've scolded myself for forgetting my camera when a C-130 or AH-10 buzzes the sky only meters overhead but yesterday I was especially unprepared.
     While messing with the controls on my MP3 player I noticed three jets off in the distance flying in a formation towards me.  At first I thought they were Vietnam-era Phantom II bombers because of the odd downward orientation of the horizontal stabilizers...but no, they were too small...and flying far too slow for the stall speed of an F-4.  As they came closer I saw the unmistakeable "half-moon" shaped jet intakes and realized that they were AV-8B Harrier II's.  For those of you who don't appreciate a cool airplane the way I do, the Harrier is a sub-sonic light attack aircraft that is capable of vertical take-offs and landings.  It was awesome to see them out over the fields yesterday because they are becoming rare. Production of the jump jet ceased in 2003 and they will eventually be replaced by the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter.  I had no idea that any of the 99 left in United States service were stationed here in Korea.  To see how cool they are click here.
     As the squadron flew past me, only 100 meters or so out over my head, I reasoned that by their  incredibly slow airspeed the wings could hardly be creating lift and therefore the cold-port thrust nozzles must be vectored slightly downwards to compensate for stall speed.  A half mile past the point from where I was watching the planes made a graceful 180 degree bank to the right, tucked their vectoring nozzles up into the zero degree position, and with a roar of the powerful Rolls-Royce turbo fans came screaming back past me in fixed wing flight.  Its as if the Marines behind the sticks knew I was down there and were putting on a private air show for the one solitary American strolling through a barren Korean countryside.

     In other news, I somehow ended up doing stand-up comedy last Saturday night.  I'm at this club with a friend  watching some fairly amusing acts when the MC comes up and start heckling me.  I tell him that I can tell stupid jokes too so he hands me the mike and I repeat an old one that I usually throw out during lulls in conversation.  It gets a few good laughs so while the next act is on he asks me if I want to be the closing set at the end of the night.  I'd been hashing all day and I was into my second or third Long Island so naturally I'm feeling cocky and not about to pass up such a excellent opportunity to embarrass myself.  When my turn comes up I get onto the stage, tell my three or four best jokes, and savor the resounding applause.  Now my recollection of the evening is likely biased or downright cloudy and I'm certainly no comedian, but I'm pretty sure I was the funniest guy on stage that night.

So it is sad to say but seven days from now I will be on some airliner en route to the United States.  I'm not sure how I feel about that quite yet but I promise I'll offer some deeper, personal reflection in a future post when I have more time.   What I can say is that my perception of time over the past few weeks has never been more warped in all my life.  I can't tell if the days are filing slowly away in anticipation of home or fleeting away briskly with my apprehension to leave.  It seems that considering the things I'll miss about Korea in comparison to the things I long for in the States is a constant sub-routine amongst the directives of my conscious mind.  So here are the lists in no particular order:

Things I'll Miss About Korea
1. All the awesome friends from all around the world that I've made in the past 12 months.
2. Getting paid an exorbitant salary for what amounts to playing games and watching cartoons.
3. The kids that (for the most part) make my work rewarding.
4. The view and the hiking on Chilbo Mountain.
5. Pizza School
6. Cheap, efficient, and technologically advanced public transportation.
7. My apartment.
8. Watching the different stages of the rice harvest on my walk home from work.
9.  Blatant and culturally accepted copyright infringement.
10. Yongsan electronics market.
11. The Wolfhound Pub.
12. Itaewon nightlife in general.
13. Reserving specific seats at the CGV movie theater.
14. Taxi adventures.
15. The guy at my local GS25 that fills my T-Money every week.
16. Hang-Dae nightlife
17. Kimchi and rice (ahahaha not really)
18. A dirt cheap and effective medical system.
19. Osan Bulgogi Hash House Harriers
20. The Lion's Den
21. Soju Hotels
22. F-18's, A-10's, C-130's, Chinooks, Harriers and many other awesome military planes flying only a few hundred feet above my house on a regular basis.
23. Hanging out at the Family Mart.
24. Heejay's
25. Galbi-sal and Samgyup-sal
26. Making fun of male students for being boyfriends (they're always hugging, fighting, holding hands) "Oh no teacher!"
27. Relatively close proximity to other awesome Asian countries.
28. Norebang
29. Hookah Bars
30. Hwaesong Fortress
31. Shopping Cart Escalators
32. No Tipping
33. No sales tax.
34. No tax of any kind at all...ever.
35. 14,000 won electric bill
36. Paying bills at the ATM
37. That dude that gives me free fruit when he sees me running.
38. Being the biggest guy at the gym.
39. That chicken place around the corner.
40. Being told how handsome I am all the time.
41. Speaking my mind on crowded subways
42. Alcohol is encouraged in all facets of life-at work, in public, for breakfast
43. Cops who don't seem to care about anything you do no matter how outrageous.
44. You don't have to be a beggar to sleep on the sidewalk.
45.  Everyone knows Tae-Kwon-Do...in theory.
46. Hot Korean Chicks
47. Sending Koreans in a crowded subway scattering by screaming and stomping around like Godzilla.
48. An entire population that caters to my differences and goes out of their way to learn my language.  Far more hospitable than many closed-minded Americans, "OMG I have to Press 1 for English.  Boo Hoo."
49. theyeogiyo.com
50.  The best corn-dogs ever.
51. E-Mart


People/Things in the U.S. that I can't wait to see/do.
1. Family
2. Friends
3. My dogs and cat.
4. Drive my car with the top down and the music up.
5. Drink a full-bodied, draft poured American beer.
6. Turkey
7. American TV commercials.
8. Grass
9. Mowing the lawn
10. Move into a huge house with two of my best friends.
11. Being there for my friends Jay and Scott when they tie the knot (with their respective finances, not with each other).
12.  No work for months.
13.  Buy a motorcycle
14.  My sister's high school graduation.
15.  A week in the Outer Banks.
16.  A week at Virginia Beach
17.  Cars that are not only aesthetically pleasing but exciting to drive.
18.  Traffic laws and people obeying them.
19.  Road tripping to Matt's place in Ohio
20.  Road tripping to Mike's house in Canada.
21.  Tubing down the Brandywine.
22.  House parties in West Chester
23.  Fair Trade Mexican Organic Coffee from Fennario
24.  Not having to get onto a military base to buy deodorant.
25.  No more dumbing down my English eight hours a day.
26.  Firearms
27.  Cultural diversity
28.  Hiking in Pennsylvania
29.  Meeting my niece Avery Jane.
30.  Meeting Colton Harris.
31.  Queen Size Bed
32.  Sheets
33.  A dryer
34.  A dish washer
35.  An actual shower with glass doors and a skylight.
36.  Listening to all the music I've fell in love with over the past year on my meaty Boston Acoustic speakers (currently in storage) as opposed to the crappy computer speakers I've been making due with.
37.  Non-lethal electric fans.