"and she'll have fun fun fun till her Daddy takes her Daewoo away."

Sheet metal, leaf springs, cylinder displacement, cold air intakes, leather seats, fuel pumps, sunroofs, key fobs, gear shifts, disc brakes, halogen lights, chin spoilers, turbo chargers, wiper blades, exhaust manifolds, Cragar SS, gauge clusters, floor mats, suicide doors, cowl induction, timing belts, Positraction, synthetic oil, transfer cases, locking lugs, spinners, bored-out big blocks, and big chrome bumpers...I love it all! Yes readers, I am obsessed with the automobile. Since ages long past, as tribes of hunter gathers trekked infinite plains in search for food, it has been a dream of man not only to run like the cheetah, but to cover long distances with relative ease and in befitting style. Owning an automobile isn't like owning any other appliance, it's a love affair, a passionate amour between tool and tool user. Men don't sit around talking about how they spent all weekend in the kitchen shaving precious seconds off the time it takes their toaster oven to go from cold and limp to firm and crispy, golden brown. No, a person's car is something special, a tangible embodiment of freedom that reminds one of the great unknown even as it sits stationary in their garage. To Americans there has been an iconic romance with the automobile since before tubeless tires, so it should come as no surprise that this enchantment has spread to cultures all over the world, Korea included.

I've always loved talking about cars. With some of my best friends it's a regular past time and with guys I've just met it's a surefire ice breaker. As I stroll down strange alleys or pace up outlandish boulevards the variety of transports speeding along captivate my imagination and send an anxious tingle to my typing fingers. I've only been in Korea for a short time and the small parts I've seen are a minuscule sample in terms of the entire country's auto industry. Likewise, don't take my word on any statistics or figures here, I'm simply documenting my premature observations. So, without further ado or disclaimers, here is a foreigner's perspective on Korean's and the cars they drive.

Before we get into the hardware I should say a few words about the operators. Korean drivers are nuts, at least by American driving standards. U-turns from the right lane of a four lane highway, unconcerned detours down the wrong way of one way streets, driving on sidewalks, backing out into traffic without looking, taking speed bumps at full speed, you name it. Once I was sitting with Ms. Huh at a red light, two motorcycle cops idling right next to us, when this huge ten ton truck which has 20 feet of metal wares and scrap piled on top (I mean this thing is clearly over loaded) attempts to make the turn as the light is changing. Not only does it clip a telephone wire but the left side completely leaves the ground. Here is this giant industrial vehicle, packed to the gills with rusty, razor sharp bits of old refrigerators and copper wire turning a corner though a busy intersection on two wheels. What do the bike cops do? They point at it and laugh. Again...point at it and laugh. I think the motor vehicle laws here are more like suggestions than anything else. When I later told Ms. Huh that I was thinking about getting a scooter she looked at me like I just said I was going to walk into a lion pen with a meat helmet. "No you mustn't," she said gravely, "you have no idea what you're saying."

Alright so let's get into what types of vehicles Korean's trust with their lives from day to day. I can say with full confidence that this market is clearly and unarguably dominated by Hyundai, followed immediately by Kia. These automakers have products all over the place and manufacture just about every class of vehicle on the road, and don't quote me on this but I think Hyundai owns Kia...so they pretty much got this market locked down tight. After that you see a lot of cars from a company called Ssangyong, which I had never heard of before coming to Korea. So let's break down the demographics of Korean people movers by class starting with the least exciting. That's right, I'm talking about the...

Midsize Sedan
BORING! Yeah, I'd probably rather write about watching bread rise than discuss sedans but since they constitute the majority of vehicles on the road I can't simply ignore them. Better to get them out of the way in the beginning. Again, they're mostly Kias and Hyundais. Nothing you haven't already seen in the states. Optimas, Sonatas, and Elantras. I can't even tell them apart to be honest with you. They're the workhorses of the local police departments but I'm sure the driving experience has a thrill factor right on par with a dry Slip and Slide. Aside from that you've got the Sm5 which as far as I can tell is only sold in black. Ms. Huh drives one and I recently found out that they're made by Renault Samsung. Samsung? Really? When did they start making cars? I thought they just made great TVs and cell phones. Well moving on.

Pick-up Trucks
Well you got two choices here, the Kia Bongo or the Hyundai Porter. They're both basically the same truck. It's a cab forward platform perched atop a small four cylinder, 5-speed, rear wheel drive set-up. Most of the trucks you see are two seaters but I've seen the occasional crew-cab, long bed, or even a few four-wheel drive options. There's also a slightly larger two-ton version which packs a little more horsepower and it is not uncommon to see many of these trucks powered by Liquid Propane Gas. Some of the trucks on the road look ancient so I'm sure they're incredibly reliable as well as affordable to repair and maintain. Parts must be aplenty because these things are everywhere. If they sold them in the states I wouldn't hesitate to buy one. People have adapted them to every conceivable application from fuel truck, cherry picker, and produce stand. I even saw one today that was being used to sell only women's clothing. I've also seen a handful of Daihatsu Hi-Jets which are these cool little micro-trucks sporting ultra efficient 1300 cc engines. If you've never seen one go ahead and Google it right now.

Sub-Compacts
Awww.. aren't they cute? It came as no surprise to me that Korea would have a plethora of small, fuel efficient cars. The Korea Times claims that Seoul has the eighth highest gas prices in the world and last summer when prices were at record highs a gallon of the go-juice would run you about US$7.33 / gallon. Again, most of these small cars are from Korea's automotive power players. You've got the Kia Picanto (or Morning) which has a 3-cylinder, 1.0L engine coupled to a Continuously Variable Transmission and only earned 3 out of 5 stars in European crash tests which is probably why you don't see this thing on the roads back home. The Hyundai version is called the Santro and has a 1000 cc inline 4-cylinder thats good for 54 horsepower. It's marketed under a bunch of different names, in a bunch of different countries, by a bunch of different companies. Both of these cars are smaller than a Mini Cooper and don't look altogether safe, especially when considering the way the locals drive, so...I think I'll walk thank you.

Mini-vans
Yeah another class of vehicle that's about as much fun as giving a cat a bath. I can't even have a "Van" category because they really don't exist in that particular size here. Again, they're all basically Hyundai's and Kia's but here and there a random manufacturer will slip through the crack. Piaggio Porters are pretty common micro-vans. They are these adorable little things that are built on the same platform as the Hi-Jet. There is a particular vehicle in this class that begs recognition, the Hyundai Starex. The base model comes with a 2.5 L that's good for about 85 horsepower, but step it up to the racing edition and you can expect 174 horsepower from the 24 valve turbo inter-cooled V6. It's recognizable from a distance by the offset hood scoop. The Starex is the kind of van I rode home from the airport in and let me assure you, this "minivan" is a sports car unto itself. So I guess that brings us to...

Sports Cars
Yeah I don't think they make many. I expected to see a ton of Hyundai Tiburons, but in a week and a half I might have seen two or three, and I've been paying attention. There are plenty of sedans with sport packages but no purpose built street machines. I'm talking stiff suspension, road hugging coupes with high revving power plants, GT steering wheels, and convertible tops. Nada. I would've settled for a Porche or a 350Z. You know what I did see pulling out of a private garage the other day that blew my mind. A cherry late model Z06 Chevrolet Corvette! Now that is something else. It's hard enough finding an American car around here let alone a 500 horsepower stallion that runs somewhere near $60,000. It sounded fantastic. There is no question who the Alpha Male is when that thing rumbles by. I'm sure that guy has no problems picking up a date to go to the discotheque.

Luxury Cars
Korea definately has it's share though they're not what you'd expect. They all look like their trying to be Mercedes Benz's and I wouldn't be surprised if they share a lot of the same parts. Hyundai has the Genesis and Kia has the Opirus, but my absolute favorite is from Ssangyong motors and it is known simply as The Chairman. No status symbol really says "I've arrived" like one that associates itself with the pinnacle of the corporate heirarchy. I bet the CEO of Ssangyong Motors rolls around in a Bentley laughing to himself every time he sees a sucker who bought a The Chairman. The car itself looks like it stole body panels right out of a Mercedes-Benz parts bin and if you look at the specifications on the Ssangyong website it says that it uses a Daimler transmission. Still, it stands out from the pack and does look rather comfortable. You do see a few high end BMW's here and there and I think I did actually see a Mercedes, but it could have just been a glare coming off of a Genesis. Also, there's a good deal of Audi luxury sedans, which comes as a surprise because I haven't seen a single Volkswagen (Audi's parent company).

SUV's/Crossovers
Wow, finally a class of vehicle that isn't controlled by Hyundai or Kia. Sure you've got your share of Santa Fe's, Sorentos, Sportages, Mojaves, Veracruz's, Tucson's and other bubbly things that look like Mom's tupperware, but if you want a real offroader then you're going with a Ssangyong. You've got the Musso which is a lot like a Jeep Cherokee and the Korando which is the Korean Wrangler. Also there is this hot little SUT called the Actyon Sports. Ok, so Hyundai does have a capable looking offroaded that resembles a Land Rover and it is called the Galloper.

Motorbikes
Very common cheap transportation, plus you can ride on the sidewalk apparently. I don't really care which company makes all of these but they're mostly 150cc air cooled jobs. All the delivery drivers use them. You see some V-Twin Harley wanna-bee's and the odd crotch rocket but their mostly just basic scooters. Oh I keep seeing middle age women on small quads. Some of them have plastic enclosures built on them. Weird.

American Cars
At first glance you don't really see any but if you dig deep enough they are there. Aside from the hot Vette the other day I happened to see a Chrysler 300C and a newer Dodge Dakota. I can't imagine what parts cost for those things here. Also saw a couple of unrecognizeable sedans that, although they sported the Chevy bowtie, looked nothing like any Chevy I've ever seen.

Public Transit
Yes the buses are all Kias and Hyundais and they are really nothing special. Rear engine people movers just like Septa. You can pay 1000 Won to ride a bus as far as it goes but it's really more economical to buy a bus pass at a convenience store and wave it in front of this little scanner as you get on. Almost all the buses are standard transmission which is commendable in regards to the idiot-proof tubs patrolling Philadelphia. Also, the bus drivers are like mythical Gods in that they demand both fear and adoration. I think that the Suwon transit system only hires people who were kicked out of NASCAR for being too good. I don't think I'll ever stop being surprised at the speeds or weird angles in which these drivers can manuver a ten ton bus.

Industrial Vehicles
Can you guess who makes every single one of these? They come in all shapes and sizes but the biggest differences I noticed between Korean and American trucks is that everything here is cab forward. Also, all the trucks are solid bodies, by which I mean there are no independent trailers on any of these vehicles. They are just giant flatbeds. The really big ones have four drive wheels in the back and four steer wheels up front.

Whew, I guess I didn't realize what I was getting into when I choose this topic. Sure I didn't cover everything on the road but I tried to provide you with a generalized idea regarding the state of transportation in Korea from a new comers perspective. Before I go I'd like the world to know that I have been added to the Korean Blog List, so go check them out for more exciting adventures in Korea. Other good news is that I passed my physical/drug test (never had a doubt) and I'm now in the process of obtaining my Alien ID. After that I'll have my own Internet connect and cell phone so communicating with the world will be a little easier. I will also at that time, post instructions for anyone who wants to Skype me because I miss all of your lovely faces. Okay, it's fried chicken and beer for me tonight and then we have to wake up extra early to go to Gwangju tomorrow. Keep hangin hard.

Cool Thing About Korea #2: The Three Kingdoms Period

Finally, Someone Who Speaks My Language

Wow, what a beautiful day! I find myself walking aimlessly through bizarre alley ways, wearing shorts and flops for the first time in months, and greeting anyone whose path I happen to cross with a hearty, “Anyonghaseyo.” I was called down to administration today to complete my contract and as soon as I signed I was handed a thick envelope full of cash, my government settlement bonus. Also, the kids have midterms this week so my responsibilities are minimal. I only had half of my classes today and none the rest of the week. Lots of time to plan future lessons, write rough drafts for my blog, and fooling around on the Internet. I probably spent over an hour picking a splinter out of my right ring finger at work today. You could say I’m having a good week.

Before I really start to reflect on the events of the past few days I would like to emphasize how blessed I feel to have, not only a steady flow of material, but also a growing audience. West Chester, Pennsylvania is a town that is dear to my heart, but as a writer its creative influence is all but exhausted. I can’t turn the corner in Suwon without seeing something I want to write about and the increasing number of comments I receive about my posts only drive me to make each entry that much better. Thanks for your loyal readership guys. Because I observe so many cool things about South Korea that can’t necessarily be categorized into any one topic, I’m going to begin ending each post with a Cool Thing About Korea segment. There are a handful of people who want to know about my job as a native English teacher, and let me assure you that it is a topic I will get into in full detail with an accompanying video, but in the meantime I’d prefer to work at the school a few more weeks before writing such a post so as to make sure I have my facts straight. As an automobile enthusiast I also plan to do a piece on the modes of transportation I have observed in my small part of Korea. So stay tuned!

In a previous video I had stated that I was confused regarding a beverage called Pocari Sweat. Let me tell you now that Pocari Sweat is an energy drink, much like Red Bull but without carbonation and a mild lemony taste. If you’re like me you may be thinking, “mmmm… Red Bull and Vodka is pretty good so how about Pocari Sweat and Soju?” Well my friend, not only do the two of them go together like peas and carrots, but it is apparently a widely consumed cocktail at Korean Universities. And don’t get me started on Soju! Not only can you buy a gallon of the stuff for less than a PBR six-pack, but it mixes with anything; Orange Juice, Coke, Energy Drinks, Milk, Water, Mouthwash, even more Soju, you name it. Why don’t they sell this stuff in the U.S.? There’s probably a similar reason to explain why they don’t sell mustard at E-Mart or why I can buy 30 hotdogs for $3 but can’t seem to find hotdog buns anywhere. That’s whack!

So I’ve been mulling over whether or not I should delve into this next little anecdote as it’s a little embarrassing, but at the end of the day I concluded that it’s funnier than it is awkward and …well…I just can’t keep anything from you guys. A couple of days ago I’m making my way home, walking through the usual back alleys and bowing to just about any local I run into to be polite. Twenty feet from my door I see this old timer, four feet tall, about 50 or 60 years old, rearranging some stuff in one of the sheds outback. I give the same old bow, smile, and proceed to make my way to my door. Well wouldn’t you know it, the old man follows me right up to my entrance, muttering something in Korean that of course I don’t understand. I try to shrug my shoulders as I open the door and the old coot just let’s himself in, takes off his shoes and everything. Okay, so it’s a neighbor trying to get friendly with the new foreigner in town I guess. He has a look around, nods approvingly, and proceeds to sit on my bed, bouncing up and down like he’s making sure the springs are firm. I gave up trying to communicate be he hasn’t. Keeps going on and on even though it’s pretty clear I have no idea what he’s saying. He makes this hand motion like he wants me to sit next to him and I return with a motion that says I want him to get out. Eventually he gets up and tries to grab my butt. Readers, let me tell you, I was completely discombobulated and immediately smacked his hand away. Up until that point I was trying to remain open minded, accept strange aspects of a culture I don’t completely understand, and I even remember reading something about Korean men being more physical with their friends than westerners. But when the old timer tried it a second time less than ten seconds later, after I made it clear I wasn’t interested, I did not hesitate to demonstrate a good old fashioned Half Nelson as I forcibly escorted him towards the door. I gave him a hard shove down the stairs and as he contacted the cement landing he let out a sort of yelp, which I guess I sort of felt bad about, but not really. Lying on the hard ground he gazed up at me with this look like I just killed his puppy but it did not deter me from throwing his shoes at him and efficiently slamming the door. “Good riddance,” as they say. The next day after my second period class I quietly told Miss Kwon about the incident and asked her, “So is this guy just a pervert or is it some weird custom and I should try not to be offended?” She laughed of course before seriously replying, “No, he’s just a pervert,” and reassuring me that I reacted appropriately. I still see the old guy lurking in the alleys and I’ve taken to calling him Feeler McGee. Now, however, when I pass him outback he doesn’t so much as look me in the eye. Still, I don’t want to be rude and not greet the man so I always let out a cheerful, “Hey Feeler McGee, how’s the hunt today, you boy-hungry pedophile?” I know he doesn’t understand but it makes me laugh.

But the best news of this week is that I finally ran into someone who speaks English and isn’t a conservative female English teacher. Okay, his name is Charlie and he is a high school English teacher in another school. He’s a Korean national with a master’s in English and while he keeps apologizing for his poor speaking I think it’s damn near flawless. I ran into him at the library and we agreed to get together for dinner. It was great. He’s really well read in both British and American literature, which is the last thing I expected to come into contact with, and we chatted about everything from Plutarch, Shelley, and Stevenson to Hawthorne, Vonnegut, and Orwell. Yes, referring to author's only by their last names makes you sound educated. Eventually we ended up at this place near Suwon station that looked like a medieval castle. It was great just to have someone to drink some beers with. It’s one of the things I’ve missed a lot about home. As the night rolled on the rate of conversation increased but Charlie’s English began to deteriorate which I found hilarious. He promised to introduce me to some foreigners he knows on Thursday and I’m looking forward to it. Also, going to Gwangju this weekend to hang out with Steph and Carlos, which I am psyched about. They say they know a ton of foreigners and Carlos just got a scooter, so of course that is cool. Well, I’ll keep you up to date. Thanks again readers.

A Cool Thing About Korea #1: In E-Mart there are these escalators that you can take shopping carts on.

Hiking Chilbo Mountain

Today is my first Saturday in Korea. I've decided to venture to Seoul some other time as it is rather rainy and overcast, though this will by no means prevent me from venturing out into the fascinating countryside. I'll have my revenge transit system! My neighborhood is close to Chilbo Mountain and Ms. Huh told me that it's possible to walk there. Mmmm....it looks kinda far but whatever, not like I have anything better to do. So after some eggs and spam I threw together a pack with an extra sweater, some granola bars, and water. Then donning my trusty jacket and IPod I walked out into the cold, grey morning. I didn't have directions to the mountain, but that's half the fun really. I just got on a main road, kept the target in my sights, and pressed forward. The first stage of the walk was through agricultural land and I took this cool picture of a tractor.
Yeah I know it's nothing special but I think it looks nice. And it's my blog so deal with it. So after walking through these fields you eventually get to this small little stretch of town. It's only like another mile walk before you're back out in the fields again but the little borough was interesting in that it seemed to blend the opposing qualities of quaint and fast paced. You can try to imagine the urban aspects of Suwon as paint splattered on a canvas of agricultural land. Most of the urban area is concentrated in the middle but there are specks and blotches of city life away from the primary mass, separated by fields and farmland. I hope that helps you understand but if you can think of a better metaphor e-mail me and I'll revise this.


The walk continued past abundant acres of cultivation and when the entirety of the mountain was in view I manged to take this cool panorama shot. It looks better if you click to enlarge.
Nearing the base of the mountain things began to get a little confusing, as the area was populated with small businesses and homes and I didn't want to trespass through anyone's property in order to get up the mountain. I spent some time walking up and down the wrong roads trying to figure out where to go. The area was interesting in that it seemed to have been an older village at one time, but when new businesses and homes were built they didn't bother to tear down any of the condemned dwellings. Here and there you would see these wood and dirt constructed shacks, crumbling under their own weight and in disarray.


I spent a good half hour trying to find an entrance or access road to the mountain but was without luck. Again, another instance when it would have helped a great deal to have been able to read. Eventually I came upon a map positioned on a corner where I saw that damned Bus 13 coming to a stop. I was able to determine that I was near access point B by it's relative closeness to some apartment high rises within view a couple hundred yards away. I then conceived a system for navigating up the mountain. Though I could not read I could recognize symbols so I decided to pick one symbol that looked promising and every time I saw it I would take a picture with my camera. This would help so I wouldn't get lost. I picked the symbol right above points B and C on the map. In my head I remembered it as, "Two Circles on Top of Each Other, Guy With a Hat, and Atari Logo." Following a road I came to a fork with a sign and sure enough there was the symbols pointing to the right.
Success! I kept following the rural trail and was eventually greeted by yet another sign directing me again to follow the road to the right.
Moving along the road I noticed that it had begun to incline and the foliage was noticeably more dense. I was sure that I had found an access road to Mt. Chilbo and my suspicions were confirmed when I came upon this beautiful temple.
It was really quite astounding and I wished that I understood it's significance. There are so many things that I am ignorant about here. As people left the temple I noticed that they turned and bowed to the entrance before going on their way. There was also this giant metal bell with intricate artwork that was really quite impressive. There were various people praying at shrines but I choose not to approach them as I am ignorant to their customs and did not want to offend anyone. As I was climbing the steps to the mountain path I happened to see the symbols I had followed and if I had to guess, I would assume that they are the name of the particular temple.
I choose the most secluded path up the mountain and did not encounter another person the entire way. It was really quite peaceful. I would have to say that the foliage is not very different from that of Pennsylvania and for a few moments I could actually imagine that I was hiking a section Worlds End State Park. There were these beautiful purple flowers growing along the trail that I had to get a picture of.

Nearing the top, the tree cover broke and standing on a rocky outcrop I could see all of Suwon down in the valley, as far out as the next set of mountain ranges which must be miles away. Though it was cloudy and humid the view was spectacular and humbling. I stood there for several moments in awe, thinking about how small I am on this world, how magnificent an opportunity it was to come here, and other profound sentiments.

Approaching the summit, the dirt trail gave out and I was forced to shuffle over a smooth and arguably precarious rock face. I reached the top with a huge smile on my face and a feeling of satisfaction. Perched on the summit was a wooden pagoda and I sat and took out some water. As I pealed an orange I thought about Rachael and wished that she was here to see this. If she comes to visit I'll drag her up here to take in the scenery. On the summit it's possible to see the country for miles in every possible direction. To the north there is a radio tower but you can't get close to it because it's fenced off and guarded by the military. There are foxholes all around the perimeter as if awaiting an eventual attack. It must be important.

Hiking the ridge there are cool little work out spots and places to just meditate. I met a lot of people both coming to and hiking the mountain and I had time to practice my foreigner greeting. I found that if you try to say hello to anyone other than kids in English they usually just give you a dirty look or ignore you. However, if you keep your foreigner mouth shut and politely bow you more often than not receive a bow in return and a polite smile, sometimes even an approving word or two.

Hiking down was just as fun as hiking up and I found a natural mineral spring where I couldn't help filling up my water bottle. It was so crisp and delicious. I took a different trail to get down the mountain and at the base I passed some very expensive looking houses, even by American standards. They were completely walled in compounds and appeared to be self-sustaining. Most had solar panels on the roofs and a few also had wind turbines. Additionally, they all had tanks that appeared to collect rainwater from the roofs.

So that's my adventure. As I sit in the library typing this today I was approached by many interesting people. One gentleman introduced himself as Charlie and his English is pretty good. he said that he's an English teacher at a local high school and we agreed to have dinner together tomorrow. I've come to expect thus far that it is the youth who primarily speak English around here so I was surprised when a man who appeared to be ninety years old came up to me and said with an almost perfect English accent, "Hello, I am Dae Quen Lee. I live in Suwon and I am at your service." I was just as flattered as I was astounded.

Well that's loyal readers. Going to be busy with school over the next couple of days so give some time for another update.

Terror On Bus 13

Tonight we have a tale so terrifying, so completely shocking, that the faint of heart should read no further. This story is rife with danger and peril, an account that puts our hero up against such an insurmountable wall of adversity that any glimmer of hope is instantly vanquished by the desperation of his circumstances. Should you find yourself unable to stomach the details of this narrative…. well, we warned you. But first, these intriguing reflections.


So after going to the school with Ms. Huh (pronounced like “her” kind of), meeting my co-workers, and seeing my classroom, I decided to go get dinner at a traditional Korean restaurant. Of course when I went in no one understood the barbaric noises issuing forth from my gullet so I just grabbed a menu and headed into the dining room. It was the kind of place where the tables are only six inches off the ground, which I’ve never tried but hey, no time like the present. Since I’m a big clumsy American it was hard to get comfortable and everyone in the dining room stared and made fun of me, which doesn’t bother me so much because I try to imagine myself from their perspective, which is probably something like watching an Orca whale try to ride a bicycle. Well, I pointed at something on the menu that looked like beef but the waitress told me I didn’t want that and brought me soup instead. I guess I’ll just trust her judgment. The soup came with eight other bowls with weird pastes, rice and celery sticks. I started picking at each one individually and then just said, “screw it” and dumped all them into the soup. It was delicious. I saw two guys across from me putting back bottle after bottle of Soju and since I never tried it I decided to order one. I thought it would be a lot like sake because they’re both distilled from rice, but it wasn’t. Soju is %20 alcohol and tastes much harsher than sake, but it sure does make the room spin the way you want it to. I could only finish half the bottle because I drink like a little girl.

The next day was my first day of classes. I’ll be teaching 20 classes a week, 4 each day. They went all right I suppose but I felt under prepared. I’m going to spend a lot of time this Sunday getting materials ready for next week. Also met the entire English teaching staff, a group of ladies who seem to socially segregate themselves from the rest of the staff, whether by accident or a function of their profession I don’t know. Maybe I’m just making assumptions. At the moment, these ladies are the only people in this country I know who speak my language. Ms. Huh I already knew. She’s the eldest of the group and goes out of her way to make sure I have everything I need. In two days I already feel like she is very motherly towards me and she seems to maintain a matriarchal position over the other English staff. Miss Sung is a very polite lady, she’s been handling my paperwork and we have good conversations. I learned that she is a Christian, which is cool because as a person with a Christian background I’m anxious to learn how the philosophy has evolved in this culture. As you drive around the city you can see these red neon crucifixes towering over other buildings and Miss Sung tells me that she goes to service every morning at 5 a.m. That’s some freakin’ devotion! Mrs. Yoon (sp?) is nice but she’s very quiet. I don’t think her English is as good as the other professors but she makes up for it in the respect she garners from the students. Though she appears timid on the outside she can silence even the rowdiest room with the subtlest of glares. I think it’s because the students are afraid she’ll beat the crap out of them. Miss Kwon not only has awesome style and is fun to hang out with, but she is a badass disciplinarian. She carries around this wooden stick that she threatens students with or smacks their desk to get them to quiet down. I have to say that one of the things I really want to find in this country is someone who speaks English that I can just knock some beers back with and of all the people I know so far with whom I can communicate, she seem the likeliest candidate.

After the first day of classes the four English ladies took me to this giant mall near Suwon Station to have dinner. I gave up trying to remember my way around after the first twelve escalators. We ate at a place called VIP’s, a chain not unlike Bennigan’s with steaks and a salad bar. Some of the memorable foods I was introduced to include Apple and Octopus salad, shrimp soaked in Mountain Dew (really, I’m not kidding), and these cool little fruit/nuts called Rich (pronounced reech) that are like these soft, translucent, lavender peach things inside a crispy shell. If you told me a year ago that I would be dipping shrimp in Mountain Dew in a Sizzler knockoff with four Korean women whom are my only linguistic tie to the world I would have abruptly cut you off with a smug,” Good day to you sir.”

Okay, so let’s get to the title piece of this post. Today, for the first time I experienced what I would call true terror. I mean an absolute feeling of helplessness. Something you cannot fully appreciate unless you find yourself in the same situation. It was my first day to ride public transportation to school. The English teachers showed me the stop the night before and said to get on bus 13. Okay fine. But then I started seeing buses numbered 13-1, 13-5, 13-7. “Well they’re probably all the same right?” Wrong! It should have only taken about three minutes to get to the school so after twenty minutes had passed I was starting to worry. I tried to tell myself that maybe he circles around to other stops before going to the school. No. After an hour had gone by I was really worrying, especially because Chilbo Middle School lies in developed land on the outskirts of the city and we were now in the center of the metropolis. All the cars looked alike. High-rises blended together in colorful patterns of illegible advertisements and unrecognizable nonsense. There were a score of puzzling city blocks in every direction and everything looked the same. I usually have a good sense of direction but after all the weird turns the bus had taken there was no way I was going to find a landmark or compile my bearings. You take for granted, when navigating an urban area, the ability to read, and without this necessity I realized for the first time in a long time that I was truly lost.

I was hoping the bus would just circle back on the original route and I could get off where I started. It didn’t. It drove all the way to a depot of other buses where they could fuel up and being the only passenger left, the driver motioned for me to get off. I attempted to plead with him in my useless blabber but he only seemed annoyed with me and forced me out the door. So there I stood, miles from anything familiar, surrounded by thousands of people who could not understand me enough to help me, horns blaring, trucks driving. I knew not where to turn. I had no phone and even if I did I had no one to call. I considered the buses but as I watched them it appeared they were not letting passengers on at the depot. When I walked into the yard I only got angry glares. Nor as I walked the streets did I see bus stops in any direction. I crossed a large busy avenue, four lanes wide and packed with turbulent traffic. On the other side was the entrance to the subway. As I looked down the long, dark mouth like staircase I considered this method as an answer to my problems. “No,” I thought, “The map would surely be in Korean and there’s no way the metro runs all the way out to middle school. It would probably just make things worse” As I began walking up the avenue, past countless shops whose wares I could only make guesses about relative to their cryptic signs, I spotted a cab. “Yes that does seem like my best bet” I considered. I did have nearly 300,000 Won in cash, a notable advantage in my otherwise despondent circumstances. The problem was that in order to ride a cab one must give the driver directions and I would bet my wad that the man’s English wasn’t what you might call…plenteous. Well I knew two words in Korean so I hailed the cab. When I got in I said “Chilbo” and then tried to pantomime “close to” before saying “Saw Suwon (West Suwon).” The driver gave a quizzical stare before making a phone call. Whatever it was he talked about on the phone I’ll never know but as soon as he hung up he looked at me confidently in the rearview mirror and with the most dramatic, John Wayne voice, he let a single word roll off of his tongue…“Chilbo.” Instead of scooting away in a Hyundai taxi towards the Chilbo developmental sector of Suwon, we were riding thoroughbred stallions off into the sunset, intent on finding the Lost City of Chilbo. It was magical.

Anyway I got to school and it only cost 9,000 Won, but I gave him 20,000 Won because he made my day. I was worried about being late because it was only my second day on the job but luckily my first class was canceled. The teachers had gone to my apartment looking for me and not finding me there assumed that I was lost. It was a big joke to them but that’s cool. I was adequately prepared for class today but all the room’s computers crashed so I had to wing it again. Let me just say this. If you ever want to feel like a rock star without learning to play an instrument or singing, go teach ESL. My day consists of hundreds of kids running up to me screaming, “Hi Teacher! How are you?” The boys want my autograph. The girls keep following me around and calling me handsome. For some reason they all want to know how tall I am. I tell them 6’4”, which doesn’t help because they’re on the metric system. Whatever, I love my job so far and this country rocks. If the weather is nice tomorrow I want to take the train to Seoul. This public transportation system owes me a rematch. Well here’s a bonus video of my apartment for anyone who had the attention span to actually read through this whole thing.

Oh, one more thing. Went grocery shopping last night and afterwords decided that, since I've been eating healthy Korean food all week, I was going to drink beer and get a Pizza Hut pizza. But let me tell you, this was the best Pizza Hut ever. I got something with ham, green peppers onion, mayonnaise (I think), hot sauce, pickles and waffle fries. Fresh ingredients, unique flavor combinations, and spectacular service. The man held the door open for me and wrapped my pizza in this little bow. American pizza places have to step it up. This stuff was great.

Korea: First Impressions

I departed flight NW95 at 10 P.M. Korean time last night, tired and smelly. I was thankful that immigration went smoothly and all of my luggage had arrived. The cab driver who picked me up only spoke enough English to inform me that he spoke no English. I did not press the issue. I wanted my first impression of Korea to be some romantic reflection of citiscapes surrounded by majestic mountains but it ended up being far more comical than that. The Kia minivan I proceeded to climb into appeared to have several performance modifications, an early warning that my hour long ride to Suwon would not be mundane.

I had been hoping that technology in Korea would be more advanced than in the States and as I took in the giant GPS unit on the dash I knew I would not be disappointed. The thing was the size of a small television, not like those crappy little Garmins we have back home, and was in High Definition with a million differnt colors. It wasn't just a map either. Crazy little cartoon characters and explosions kept popping up on the screen and the information never stayed put. For example, a small part that I could read which indicated the remaining kilometers to the destination would sometimes be on the bottom, sometimes on the top or sides, sometimes just bouncing all over the place. Often it would just flash totally unrelated images of koala bears or poker chips. It was truely a feast for the eyes. The best part was that the voice sounded like that of a twelve year old prostitute and this girl would just not shut up. I think she was relating her entire life story. For a good ten minutes she kept chanting a single word, which sounded like "head" in English.

So here I am in a supercharged Kia minivan with this prepubescent GPS that seems to be reciting War and Peace and a driver who turns out to be craziest highway cowboy ever. This guy drove fast. Really fast! He was easily doing like 140 km/h the whole time. And he wasn't afraid of anyone or anything on the road. Once he even cut off an over-size load tractor trailer. I felt inches from death. Oh, Korea also has the United States equivilent of EZ-Pass but instead of an open turnstile like we are used to, these tolls have two steel barricades blocking the road that are spring loaded and shoot up and out of the way as soon your little RFID tag is approved. So the Highway Cowboy is driving at these barricades at full speed while the GPS keeps going, "Head Head Head Head Head," and I am bracing for impact. The car must have been two feet from being cut in half before they shot out of the way. The first time I let out a scream and jumped out of my seat, which the Highway Cowboy thought was the funniest thing in the world.

I wish that was the end of my highway adventure but it gets better. Halfway to Suwon I see the lights of a police car approaching from behind. You would think that the Highway Cowboy would pull over but instead he steps it up to 160 km/h. By this point I was no longer afraid and having accepted that I was in a foreign culture in which I did not understand the rules, I proceeded to cheer the Highway Cowboy on in his highspeed pursuit. The Subaru cruiser followed us for a good ten minutes and in that time we drove over one of those singing highways. It's really just some strips cut into the asphalt at intervals so the noise from your tires plays music. This song happened to be "Mary Had a Little Lamb." Eventually the cruiser just turned off his lights and gave up. He may not have even been chasing us for all I know. Regardless, I was no longer tired, just highly amused.

So we got to my apartment where I was met by the teacher I will be working with, Ms. Huh. She brought some blankets for me to use until I get my own and then took me to a store to get bottled water and food. Afterwards I thanked her and expressed how eager I was to get to work. After she left I decided to walk over to the public library, which is only about two minutes from my apartment, because despite needing a shower and sleep I really wanted to communicate with Rachael. I sat outside in the cold and used the free wireless, a practice I'm sure will be commonplace until I get my own Internet connection and phone. When I was done I returned to get a shower but alas, I have no hot water. Luckily the gas was on for the stove so I heated some up in a pot and poured it over myself. I was thinking about going into detail about my apartment but instead I'll just try to post a video as soon as the place is in order.

I only slept six hours last night even though I was practically awake for thirty. I was just too excited to get up and see the town. Just walked around for a little bit, trying to figure out what stores sold what. Most people just ignore me but I get a few weird looks from passerbys. It's something I expected. Haven't run into any English speaking foreigners yet but I hope I meet some soon. Stopped into a cool coffee shop and ordered an Americano which I thought was just regular coffee but was really like eight shots of espresso (I'll bet you already knew that didn't you Ray). Also went into a store that appeared to sell only light bulbs and after playing around with an electrical cord for a few minutes was able to make the owner understand that I needed an adapter. Hooray! I can survive here! For 500 won I a little plastic gizmo that will allow me to keep my electronics up and running.

Well, I'm going to head back and get dressed for work. Ms. Huh should be meeting me around 3:30 and I want to learn some common Korean phrases before I go.

A Journey to the Far Side of the World

“Attention passengers, this is your Captain on board Flight 1127 non-stop from Detroit to Tokyo. We have reached our cruising altitude of 28,000 feet and are traveling at 540 M.P.H. Dinner will be served as we cross over Siberia and the in-flight movie today is Snakes on a Plane. It is now safe to remove your seat-belts and move about the cabin as well as turn on any personal electronic devices.”

Well it’s about time. I have some serious blogging to do. Before I cut into the meat of this entry let me just sat that I have been fascinated by aircraft my whole life and I’ve always wanted to fly on the fabled 747. Now that I’m actually on board one of these gorgeous birds I have to admit that it’s really no different from any other commercial aircraft. While the five-course meal was top-notch for airline food I’m actually a little disappointed that there were no electric outlets. I’ve been on board smaller Airbus planes that had places to plug in one’s electrical devices and I kind of expected the same from Boeing’s most recognizable people mover. The lack of this simple amenity means that my laptop will likely run out of juice less than a quarter of the way to Japan. Oh well, I suppose I’ll just have to start reading all of those cool books I picked up at the Embassy library. Thanks again awesome librarian.

A good deal of my time over the past few days has been spent saying goodbye. I don’t think that I realized what I was leaving behind (sacrificing actually) in my quest for eastern enlightenment, until it came time to part with the people and things I love most in this world. I’m so lucky to have this contingent of friends and family who cherish my company and support my decisions. It is to all of these people that I dedicate this entry. May you all find happiness in your separate paths. I am already anxious for the day when we can eat, drink, and laugh in each other’s company once again.

First and foremost I dedicate this to the person who knows the deepest parts of my soul, the love of my life and girlfriend of three years, Rachael. I love you more than anything and will miss you desperately. I’m so fortunate to have a best friend like you who understands and supports what I’m trying to do with my life. I have to say that this journey did not even seem real until this morning as we stood outside the Northwestern Airlines Terminal, holding each other in the rain and saying goodbye. I watched as you drove away and realized that it would be one of the few moments in my life in which I could not conjure words powerful enough to convey my emotions. I love you and will talk to you everyday.

To Sammie, I know you can’t read but we grew up together and as corny as it may sound, you’re one of my dearest friends. I know you’re getting old and my absence is strenuous to you. I also know that the odds of seeing you alive again are slim. Your love was always unconditional and it’s a debt I’ll probably never be able to repay. Some people may never know the unique joy that is borne out of the friendship between man and cat.

Jacklyn, You’re becoming a beautiful woman and it shames me that I spent so little time with you as you grew up. It’s a misfortune that I pray I’ll be given the opportunity to rectify one day. I know you stay so busy with school, running, swimming, and boldly moving forward with your future but if you are ever graced with the time and the resources you are welcome to come explore South Korea with me. Love you more than you can know sister.

Parents and siblings and other relatives, I’m not going to break down my graciousness to every member of the clan. This is only a thirteen-hour flight after all. But thanks for all of your love and support through the years. I’m a better person because of you all.

Esmeralda: All right this is really just the name I gave my 1999 Mazda Miata MX-5. Yes there are far cooler cars out there but this is truly the best $5000 investment I have ever made. When people ask me why a 6’4”, 240lb guy wants to drive the tiniest car on the road I like to say that, “The Mazda Miata embodies 100 years of British-roadster expertise re-engineered to the standards of Japanese reliability. Driving the MX-5 is never about the destination, it’s all about how you get there.” I have a soft spot for a curvy section of road out near the Limerick Generating Station. Top-down at twilight, climbing to the next gear at 5000 R.P.M, that perfect exhaust note more sublime than whatever track of Grace Under Pressure might be reverberating through the crystal component speakers. As the cooling towers come up over the next curve I briefly manipulate the clutch, allowing the 1.8L naturally aspirated boxer motor to let out a determined meow before reconnecting with the rear wheels and sending me hurtling around the corner while the warm July night breezes through my hair. Oh and it gets like 35 M.P.G. highway too.

So what about my friends? I have to admit that I am astounded you people like me so much and I am honored you’ve all seen fit to make me a part of your lives. I am not deserving of such loyalty or companionship. Somehow I managed to have not one going away party, but two. What an awesome ego boost. I shall describe the events of these two grand escapades in as much detail as I can muster, if not for your reading pleasure then perhaps to pass the time.

Two Saturday’s ago I had just finished an exhausting day of delivering pizzas (if driving a Miata around the West Chester country side listening to heavy metal can ever be exhausting) when I returned to Rachael’s house. Earlier in the day my good buddy Allen had made me promise to hang out with him around 9:00 P.M. and for the life of me I simply figured we’d get a few six packs while he tortured me with whatever new sound he figured out his guitars could make. Since I had dedicated my evening to Bloominhour, Rachael informed me that she would be going out with her sister. While freshening up I got distracted by the Internet and ended up reading about Nikolai Tesla on Wikipedia.org until nearly 9:45. I was unaware that there was a plot in the works so I took my time strolling to Allen, Mike, and Gabe’s bitchin’ corner apartment in the heart of WC. I should have realized something was up as I crossed the street and noticed three apparent “look-outs” scatter from the kitchen window at my approach. Similarly as I entered the second-floor domicile, the haste in which Allen and Mike insisted that I follow them into the “studio” should have tripped some internal warning system, but alas I remained ignorant that a stratagem was in the works. Should the SURPRISE that followed been a live hand grenade I would probably not be here telling this tale for I was completely off my guard, but fortunately for you reader it was only all of my dearest friends in the world who jumped out at me.

Okay you guys got me really good that night. Thanks. I stood there like a deer in headlights for a solid two minutes before the shock wore off. All the pictures of my surprised face make me look like I drew a blank in the bonus round of a game show. Rachael and her sister were there which blew my mind because she had me convinced they were at T.G.I. Friday’s. Where’d you learn to lie so well sweetheart? It was also good that some friends I see only sparingly like Mignona and Naihos managed to make it. After the surprise part was over the event transpired into a typical Saturday evening get together. Lots of cool people showed up, friends and strangers alike. Thanks for the well wishes. Thanks for the memories. And most importantly, thanks to everyone who bought the beer.

All right time out. I’m down to %52 power on my laptop and The Express is starting as the in flight movie. Yeah it’s not Snakes on a Plane but that would’ve been pretty funny right? I’ll probably finish this entry up during my layover in Tokyo.

Tokyo…awesome. As I departed the plane I paused to take a picture and savor the sexy lines of the 747. It boggles me that something so mammoth, powerful, and sexy on the outside can be so sterile and boring on the inside. I’m pretty tired and I’m sure I smell like a shoe. Back home it’s almost 2 a.m. while here it’s just turning three in the afternoon. Cashed in a $20 for a 1000 Yen bill and a bunch of coins. Then I went to go find food. Forget the McDonalds, I need as much Japanese culture as the airport can afford me. Wandered into this traditional looking spot and after ten minutes of pointing at pictures and trying to explain that I have no idea how the currency works I managed to get a pretty good meal. Fresh pork, rice, soup, sprouts, a bottle of coke, and a bottle of sake. Even impressed some locals with how masterful I am with a pair of chopsticks. The best part was how hard it was just to communicate. That’s why I’m here. To struggle.

So where were we? Right, the day before I ship off. Rachael and I enjoy a quality beer when we’re presented with the opportunity so we decided to spend my last night in the States at Victory Brewery with whoever decided to join us. I called the restaurant and reserved a table for ten before sending a text message to everyone in my phone book. In all honesty I only expected four or five people to show up on a Sunday night, but wasn’t I blown away when over thirty people came to see me off. We certainly made those servers work for their tips didn’t we? Well, you all know I made a promise. After eight or nine Golden Monkeys I foolishly declared that I would write an embarrassing Haiku on my blog for everyone who decided to join us for dinner. I’m a man of my word. Here’s your pay off in no particular order.

Chris
Pharmacist by day
Hot tub in garage owner
Parties through the night.


Tara
Always happy smile
That you would not expect from
Hard core field hockey chick

Jim
I wish I knew how
You came to be a teacher
Has to be mistake

Cait
You have one year to
Grow your hair longer again
Super sexy nurse

Jay
Too many fun times
To chronicle within
A simple Haiku

Kat
I remember this
One time at Sig Ep dancing
Naked on table

Scott
I’m proud of you pal
I know you have what it takes
To be a father

Jen
Soon to be mommy
Once kicked my big ass
Playing power hour



Erin
Can you get your Dad
To clear my parking tickets
Meter maids hate me

Nicole
Jew can’t just wear one
Frankenboot. Jew need to wear
One on each foot silly!

Rachael
I promise I won’t
Post any of those pictures
On the Internet

Aaron
Moose has gone down hill
Just let it go already
Find a new hang out

Guy with Aaron
I don’t know you guy
Thanks for coming anyway
Cool ninja T-Shirt

Paul
You sure know how to
Have a good time there buddy
Gonna miss yo face

Allen
Guitarist sent here
By aliens to save the
World from destruction

Mike
Zombies are coming
Board up your windows and doors
Shoot them in the head

Lance
Tallest gun totin,’
Car fixin, rock and rollin’
Guy west of Philly

Girl with Lance
I feel that we had
A good chat about something
I can’t remember

Guilia
Secret government
Yuegermeister fueled weapon
And good drinkin pal

Chris
Passes out in truck
Foot on accelerator
Where are the police?

Dave
Thanks for letting us
Shoot at stuff in your backyard
Can I borrow Corvette?

Joe
Flat ballcap wearin’
Trader Joe employee and
All around good guy

Merkle
Come out of closet
No one will judge you. Promise.
Your kind has rights now.

Gabe
Can one write Haiku
That could make Gabe any more cool?
Not very likely

Alright there you have it. If I left anyone out I’m sorry but I’m beat. Just leave a comment and I’ll churn something clever out in your honor. Next and last flight leaves in two minutes and I’m sleepin’ the whole way. Keep hangin hard USA!

Finally Going to Leave for Korea

This entry marks the beginning of my adventure to the Land of the Morning Calm. I've been going through the process of finding a school and securing an E2 Visa for about six weeks now and I finally have a departure date, next Monday the 20th of April. I have a lot on my mind that I've been wanting to get down in a blog but it was important for me to get a departure date before I started this publication. For this initial entry I will cover my reasons for going to Korea, the process of finding an employer and getting a visa (for any future ESL teachers out there), and what I am doing to prepare for the trip.

My personal motivations for seeking employment as an ESL teacher in Korea are numerous but are not of an exceptional nature, by which I mean they are likely no different than the motivations of individuals who have found themselves in a similar position. I graduated from West Chester University over four months ago with a B.A. in English and in the period since then I have not really accomplished anything spectacular. In honesty, I've spent a great deal of time frequenting bars, playing video games, half-completing ambitious writing projects, and trying to find purpose in menial places. I've kept my college job delivering pizzas in order to support my dilatoriness lifestyle, but I find that it offers little in the way of personal accomplishment. Which brings me to my primary reason for wanting to teach in Korea: self-satisfaction.

I'm young, I have an education under my belt, and there is little to hold me back. I want to do something with my life that I can look back on and be proud of and what better job for that than teaching children. I've always been great interacting with kids and I know the joy that being a mentor can bring. Seeing that look of realization on their faces after spending hours trying to teach a concept, being able to goof around like a kid again, knowing that you've made a positive impact on a child's life no matter how big or small. These are but a few of the reasons I think I'll make a great teacher and I can't wait to dive in head first.

I also crave adventure. I love West Chester, Pennsylvania and it is a town that I know I will love to come back to one day, but at the moment her small-town charm has become increasingly monotonous. In actuality I haven't spent much of my life outside Pennsylvania. Sure there's been a couple road-trips and vacations but never really an opportunity to immerse myself in a foreign culture or gain a new perspective on life. What I really want is to be thrown into the cauldron, to discover something new everyday, to actually struggle to accomplish things I take for granted in my peaceful, yuppie, suburb. But why Korea? Well, I have friends in Gwangju at the moment and they absolutely love it. Also, like many people who are seriously considering Teach ESL I have taken it upon myself to read innumerable blogs from people in Korea and rarely have I come across the reflections of someone not enjoying themselves. It is a nation rich in ancient culture, known for great food, and it is central to many other enticing Oriental countries. It is my hopes that, for better or worse, this blog and the numerous anticipated adventures detailed within will serve as an accurate medium for informing future seekers of substantial perspective alteration.

The most practical reason for seeking employment in Korea (and I'm sure that I am not the only ESL teacher-to-be who shares this sentiment) is financial in nature. It's no secret that the global economy is in recession and in my part of the world jobs for English majors aren't exactly growing off trees. I've submitted a score of resumes and applications but the fact is that companies just aren't doing a lot of hiring. I did spend two months as a Private Investigator, which is a really cool job title to throw around at social events, but the work itself was little more than sitting in a car staring at peoples' front doors. The monotony was overwhelming. But then I heard that I can be a millionaire (in Korean Won of course) in an exotic land, with the majority of my expenses paid for! After some quick calculations I realized that I could pay off my student loans in a little over two years. I was sold.

So I'm sure a lot of people are curious as to the process of securing a job and actually going over seas. Well, like many things, it started with a Google search. After some perusing I came across teacheslkorea.com. Of all the sites I came across, theirs was the most professional, organized, and answered all my questions. Usually if a site looks that good then the people behind it mean business. I was right. Minutes after contacting them I received an e-mail from Dan, himself a veteran ESL teacher. Over a period of six weeks Dan worked tirelessly to find a job that suited the criteria I was looking for in a foreign occupation. Sure there we're some hiccups in the process but Dan was always able to quickly iron out problems and respond to all the retarded questions I had. He would never hesitate to give me a call to make sure I was comfortable with the contract I was signing or to reassure me about miscellaneous issues. I was a little disappointed that my first two picks, Ulsan and Yeosu, didn't work out, but I was finally lined up with a promising position working at public school in Suwon, right outside of Seoul.

After the contract is signed the process for the E2 Visa is taken over by Aggie. She's really friendly and just like Dan responds to e-mails almost instantaneously. This process requires one to Fed-Ex a bunch of documents to the school including transcripts, passport photos, and your ORIGINAL UNIVERSITY DEGREE. I was a little nervous about that but what the hell, so many people before me had done the same and everything looked legit. I was kind of taken aback that mailing a package weighing less than a pound to South Korea cost over $60. I guess that shows my ignorance regarding matters of global commerce. The E2 Visa is a bunch of boring red-tape. The worst part is obtaining a criminal background check which I ordered from my state police for $10. After taking a week and a half to arrive and coming back squeeky clean I had to pay another $10 to have it notarized. Then I had to drive two hours away to my state capital of Harrisburg (which is actually far more beautiful than I expected and offered a lovely afternoon perusing a free museum) to have it apostilled. I still don't get the point of having something apostilled. Something about making a document legal outside of the US. Basically you just give them another $15 and they put this fancy gold foil stamp on the front. Anyway, after all of your documents are in Korea they sit in immigration for a couple of weeks before Aggie e-mails you more documents and an E2 number from the school. Then you have to fill out an E2 Visa application (don't forget to put the E2 number at the top) a medical statement form, and some other stuff before taking it to your nearest Korean Consulate. Mine was New York City.

So let me just say that I really dislike New York. Sorry to any New Yorkers reading this but I guess I'm just not hip or forward thinking enough to fit in there. If you can live in that city for more than a week you have far more patience than I. My girlfriend and I decided to take the train and make a day of it. The train ride up was nice and we slept most of the way. Upon arriving at Penn Station we began the 24 block walk up Park Avenue to the Korean Consulate. I was well aware ahead of time how expensive this city can be and we agreed that we would prefer the exercise over paying for a cab. En route we were distracted by the Empire State Building and decided to go up to the observatory to share a kiss but wait...$18/person to ride an elevator to the top of an old building. When I was a kid you could go up for free. WTF! So we continued our walk to the Embassy bad mouthing capitalists the entire way. Since we had time to kill we decided to stop at a little coffee house and hang out. Admittedly, we're both kind of coffee snobs and if I was going to over pay for anything, it was going to be good freakin coffee. We ended up paying $30 for coffee and orange juice but I have to say, it was money well spent. The coffee was some of the best I've ever had, the orange juice was fresh squeezed, the service impeccable, and more importantly, access to a clean, accommodating restroom.

So after dickin around the park and doing some window shopping I showed up for my appointment at the Korean Consulate half an hour early. I handed my yellow envelope of documents, wrinkled from being tucked in my inner coat pocket all morning, to a nice young secretary on the beneficial side of a bulletproof glass cubical. She glanced breifly at what was in the envelope before opening an electronic security door and leading me back to a comfortable window office. I had to assume that the smartly dressed Korean woman sitting behing the giant oak desk was the Consul herself. I took it upon myself to make introductions because the Consul sat me down without so much as a word, or even looking me in the eyes. I was consistently left with the impression that I annoyed her, a notion that left me puzzled as I am in fact, irresistibly charming. Dan warned me that she would ask me a lot of questions about drug use but she primary used the interview to remind me how unqualified for the job I might be. She kept saying things like, "Oh, I see it took you four and a half years to graduate college. Isn't it supposed to only be four years?" and very sarcastically, "What makes you think that YOU could be a teacher?" After fifteen minutes of demoralizing me she finally gave it up, though very reluctantly, "Oh, I suppose you can have a visa." Thanks nice Consul lady.

So we were just about ready to get out of there but I couldn't resist whaling on this huge gong in the lobby, much to girlfriend's embarrassment. Luckily my ambient antics served to summon an Embassy librarian who turned out to be the friendliest person I'd met all day. She seemed genuinely interested in my upcoming adventure and took it upon herself to send me on my way with an armful of quality Korean literature. I tried to explain to her that I would not be coming back and could therefore not return the books but she said I was welcome to keep them if it would help me on my way. What a sweetheart! If a quarter of the Koreans I meet over the next year happen to be as nice as her it may be the best decision of my life.

So now I have five days to pack up my junk, tie up any loose ends, and say my good byes. One of the first things I did was to chop off my gorgeous locks and shave. Check out the before and after shots.



I also downloaded a copy of Rosetta Stone Korean but gave up on that within an hour. I speak pretty good restaurant Spanish but Korean is a whole other ballpark. I figure I'll be doing a lot of pantomiming. Also spent a whole day going through my closet and wardrobe, throwing clothes together and packing stuff up. I needed another suitcase and the first place I went was an Army surplus store. You can keep your $400 designer suitcases with the lazy-ass wheels. I bought an Israeli military issue duffel bag seven years ago and it doesn't have so much as a tear in it yet so I figured I'll go the same route for my second bag. $25 scored me a durable, olive drab bag with shoulder straps that not only holds a ton of stuff and is built to last, but it looks cool too. Picked up a couple suits as well.

Then came all the bureaucratic crap. Called the bank to notify them I would be doing transactions from over seas, canceled my car insurance, dealt with some tax exemption paperwork, and then hired a lawyer to represent me in some speeding ticket case in New York from months ago. Just another reason to dislike New York state. Get a speeding ticket in Pennsylvania and it says right on the citation how much it is. Send in your $150.oo bucks or however much it is and it's done with. Get a ticket in New York and they won't even tell you how much it costs. Plead guilty and it'll range anywhere from $300-$400 plus points on your license as well as this BS driver responsibility tax which charges you $150 every year for three years. Plead not guilty and you have to hire a lawyer for $250 just so they can reduce the charge to a $100 misdemeanor, but hey at least you don't get any points. Either way your still paying hundreds of dollars to some corrupt legal a**hole. Yeah yeah, I know I'm getting off topic but maybe I'll inspire some of you to do yourselves a favor and just avoid New York State completely if you can help it.

Dang, I'm feeling good about this blog already. I'll probably add a little more in a few days as I take on the continental United States and the Pacific from 30,000 feet. Hope you've enjoyed reading.