Finally, Someone Who Speaks My Language

Wow, what a beautiful day! I find myself walking aimlessly through bizarre alley ways, wearing shorts and flops for the first time in months, and greeting anyone whose path I happen to cross with a hearty, “Anyonghaseyo.” I was called down to administration today to complete my contract and as soon as I signed I was handed a thick envelope full of cash, my government settlement bonus. Also, the kids have midterms this week so my responsibilities are minimal. I only had half of my classes today and none the rest of the week. Lots of time to plan future lessons, write rough drafts for my blog, and fooling around on the Internet. I probably spent over an hour picking a splinter out of my right ring finger at work today. You could say I’m having a good week.

Before I really start to reflect on the events of the past few days I would like to emphasize how blessed I feel to have, not only a steady flow of material, but also a growing audience. West Chester, Pennsylvania is a town that is dear to my heart, but as a writer its creative influence is all but exhausted. I can’t turn the corner in Suwon without seeing something I want to write about and the increasing number of comments I receive about my posts only drive me to make each entry that much better. Thanks for your loyal readership guys. Because I observe so many cool things about South Korea that can’t necessarily be categorized into any one topic, I’m going to begin ending each post with a Cool Thing About Korea segment. There are a handful of people who want to know about my job as a native English teacher, and let me assure you that it is a topic I will get into in full detail with an accompanying video, but in the meantime I’d prefer to work at the school a few more weeks before writing such a post so as to make sure I have my facts straight. As an automobile enthusiast I also plan to do a piece on the modes of transportation I have observed in my small part of Korea. So stay tuned!

In a previous video I had stated that I was confused regarding a beverage called Pocari Sweat. Let me tell you now that Pocari Sweat is an energy drink, much like Red Bull but without carbonation and a mild lemony taste. If you’re like me you may be thinking, “mmmm… Red Bull and Vodka is pretty good so how about Pocari Sweat and Soju?” Well my friend, not only do the two of them go together like peas and carrots, but it is apparently a widely consumed cocktail at Korean Universities. And don’t get me started on Soju! Not only can you buy a gallon of the stuff for less than a PBR six-pack, but it mixes with anything; Orange Juice, Coke, Energy Drinks, Milk, Water, Mouthwash, even more Soju, you name it. Why don’t they sell this stuff in the U.S.? There’s probably a similar reason to explain why they don’t sell mustard at E-Mart or why I can buy 30 hotdogs for $3 but can’t seem to find hotdog buns anywhere. That’s whack!

So I’ve been mulling over whether or not I should delve into this next little anecdote as it’s a little embarrassing, but at the end of the day I concluded that it’s funnier than it is awkward and …well…I just can’t keep anything from you guys. A couple of days ago I’m making my way home, walking through the usual back alleys and bowing to just about any local I run into to be polite. Twenty feet from my door I see this old timer, four feet tall, about 50 or 60 years old, rearranging some stuff in one of the sheds outback. I give the same old bow, smile, and proceed to make my way to my door. Well wouldn’t you know it, the old man follows me right up to my entrance, muttering something in Korean that of course I don’t understand. I try to shrug my shoulders as I open the door and the old coot just let’s himself in, takes off his shoes and everything. Okay, so it’s a neighbor trying to get friendly with the new foreigner in town I guess. He has a look around, nods approvingly, and proceeds to sit on my bed, bouncing up and down like he’s making sure the springs are firm. I gave up trying to communicate be he hasn’t. Keeps going on and on even though it’s pretty clear I have no idea what he’s saying. He makes this hand motion like he wants me to sit next to him and I return with a motion that says I want him to get out. Eventually he gets up and tries to grab my butt. Readers, let me tell you, I was completely discombobulated and immediately smacked his hand away. Up until that point I was trying to remain open minded, accept strange aspects of a culture I don’t completely understand, and I even remember reading something about Korean men being more physical with their friends than westerners. But when the old timer tried it a second time less than ten seconds later, after I made it clear I wasn’t interested, I did not hesitate to demonstrate a good old fashioned Half Nelson as I forcibly escorted him towards the door. I gave him a hard shove down the stairs and as he contacted the cement landing he let out a sort of yelp, which I guess I sort of felt bad about, but not really. Lying on the hard ground he gazed up at me with this look like I just killed his puppy but it did not deter me from throwing his shoes at him and efficiently slamming the door. “Good riddance,” as they say. The next day after my second period class I quietly told Miss Kwon about the incident and asked her, “So is this guy just a pervert or is it some weird custom and I should try not to be offended?” She laughed of course before seriously replying, “No, he’s just a pervert,” and reassuring me that I reacted appropriately. I still see the old guy lurking in the alleys and I’ve taken to calling him Feeler McGee. Now, however, when I pass him outback he doesn’t so much as look me in the eye. Still, I don’t want to be rude and not greet the man so I always let out a cheerful, “Hey Feeler McGee, how’s the hunt today, you boy-hungry pedophile?” I know he doesn’t understand but it makes me laugh.

But the best news of this week is that I finally ran into someone who speaks English and isn’t a conservative female English teacher. Okay, his name is Charlie and he is a high school English teacher in another school. He’s a Korean national with a master’s in English and while he keeps apologizing for his poor speaking I think it’s damn near flawless. I ran into him at the library and we agreed to get together for dinner. It was great. He’s really well read in both British and American literature, which is the last thing I expected to come into contact with, and we chatted about everything from Plutarch, Shelley, and Stevenson to Hawthorne, Vonnegut, and Orwell. Yes, referring to author's only by their last names makes you sound educated. Eventually we ended up at this place near Suwon station that looked like a medieval castle. It was great just to have someone to drink some beers with. It’s one of the things I’ve missed a lot about home. As the night rolled on the rate of conversation increased but Charlie’s English began to deteriorate which I found hilarious. He promised to introduce me to some foreigners he knows on Thursday and I’m looking forward to it. Also, going to Gwangju this weekend to hang out with Steph and Carlos, which I am psyched about. They say they know a ton of foreigners and Carlos just got a scooter, so of course that is cool. Well, I’ll keep you up to date. Thanks again readers.

A Cool Thing About Korea #1: In E-Mart there are these escalators that you can take shopping carts on.