Demo Class and Halloween...as it were.

Last Thursday I had a demo class.  This is when administrators, parents, and even fellow English teachers can show up at your class and observe you in your element.  I've always been comfortable with public speaking and I've never received complaints about the lessons I put together so it should just be another day at the office right?  Wrong.  These classes are more to demonstrate the proficiency of your Korean co-teacher and the schools willingness to adapt the government regulated standards than to exhibit the native English teacher performing their day to day duties.

Firstly, when I was approached about the demo class Ms. Song asked that the topic be "Learning to Order Food."  Okay, whatever...it's a boring topic that I exhausted on my first week in the country but it's their show so I'll comply.  Secondly, I was told that we would be using the DISC format for teaching the class.  The easy way to explain this is to say that it's a means of breaking the students up into groups and letting the smart kids do all the work.  I believe that we're technically supposed to use this method all of the time but it's pretty stupid and in my opinion doesn't help build the confidence of the lower level students.  Again, it's their song and dance so I'll just keep my mouth shut on this one.  Lastly, though I had compiled all of the materials and was mentally prepared Ms. Song insisted that we cancel other classes so that we could practice with the demo kids.  I tried to argue that providing the students with answers so that we could look good in front of school administrators was cheating and that I was morally and ethically opposed but she only responded with, and I quote, "This is the Korean way." 

So I eventually gave in and went along with their little masquerade.  Not that my opinions on the matter had changed, it's just that I was no longer very convicted to them.  "The weekend is only a few more classes away," I reminded myself.  Right before the class started Ms. Song kept trying to convince me that we needed more material; a game of Golden Bell, a worksheet, etc.  I was positive that we had more than we could cover in 45 minutes already so I just kind of ignored her.  She was a nervous wreck the entire time, shaking, forgetting what to say. I guess I would be too if my job was on the line but let's be honest, they ain't gonna fire me.  I cost too much to replace.  Fortunately, with my confident demeanor, soothing baritone voice, and natural good looks I was able to take the attention off of her and teach a first rate lesson.  The students had fun, the audience was impressed.  Hell, Ms. Song probably got a payraise just standing next to me.

After school they asked me to join a meeting in the auditorium with the Chilbo faculty as well as a bunch of Principles and administrators from nearby schools.  It was all in Korean so naturally I was bored out of my mind.  There was a Korean powerpoint showing Korean slides of Korean policies to be enacted by the Korean staff in Korean schools.  At one point all of the Korean Principles started handing each other shiny plaques in velvet lined boxes, shaking hands, posing for photos ops, and generally congratulating each other on having reached the summit of the educational hierarchy.

Towards the end the speaker motioned for me to come to the podium.  I turned to Ms. Huh for an explanation.  "They want you to go say a few words," she said.
"Ms. Huh," I countered politely,"out of the 40 or so people in this room there are only two that will understand anything I am saying."
"That is okay.  They only want to hear you talk because you are a foreigner."  Well I'm no show-pony but if they want to hear the foreigner talk they got it.  I proceeded towards the podium, moved up to the microphone, and with deathly seriousness in my eyes delivered the following dialougue:

"Greetings Koreans.  I am Eric of the Popielarski tribe from the wastes to the North.  I was born to a great warrior clan who pillaged and destroyed all who would oppose them with brutal savagery.  (At this point my English speaking co-teachers are laughing) When I was twelve I became both hunter and man.  When I was sixteen I had many slaves.  By the time I was 18 years of age I was the leader of my own clan, powerful and without mercy I was.  But the life of a warlord is tiring and without cessation.  Within but a few harvests the conquering of peasants became bitter and unfullfilling, like ashes in my mouth.  I left the tribe and trekked to the south.  After many adventures I found myself in Korea, content to eat Kimchi, possess your women, and influence your children with my barbarish tongue and political doctrine."  Then I politely bowed and made my way back to my seat, relishing in the unknowing applause and satisfied smiles.  That night I celebrated my triumph at Josh's house with bacon cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, and cold mojitos.

So eventually Friday afternoon rolled around as it always does.  I had grand aspirations for Halloween weekend.  Perky's friend Barry was new in town so I showed him around Suwon Station while I tried to find items for my costume.  Barry's a good guy, has a positive outlook on life and an unusually enthusiastic interest in the Megaman francise.  In time I gave up trying to find the bowler cap, white suspenders, and cane that I would need to complete my Clockwork Orange costume and we simply headed to Heejay's with Mike.  The proceedings of my Friday night continued with reckless abandon but were highlighted by a 3:30 am meal of Cheesuh Del Casuh (sp?) which is basically deep fried pork and cheese.  Yum.

I'd like to say that I went hogwild on Halloween.  That I ran idiotically through the streets of Seoul dancing with ghouls, picking fights with little dogs, and waking in a sweaty jinjibang between a polar bear and a cowboy.  But such is unfortuanately not the case.  The original plan was to head into Seoul for an all day music festival but when Perky and Barry stopped by my house on Saturday morning it was pouring rain.  We hung out at Mike's house for a bit hoping the weather would clear but it never did.  Those guys eventually braved the madness of the city but I was feeling apathetic about wandering around soaking wet until 6 am, so I hung around Suwon.  I still had a great time hanging with a small crew at Josh's house watching scary movies (if you haven't seen Paranormal Activity go watch it in the dark by yourself tonight) but the events of the evening weren't exactly what you'd call a "Deadly Quest."  For Halloween night I sort of feel that I let you down loyal reader...but there's a bit of a bright side to my boring night in.  The 100,000 Won or so that I would have blown in Seoul that night has just been applied to my airline tickets to Bangkok.  Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos here I come.  In a few months you'll be privy to fascinating tales involving putting tigers in headlocks, riding elephants, Full Moon parties, and shooting cows with rocket launchers.  Lucky you. 

Cool Thing About Korea #34: Receiving care packages.  Thanks Mom and Dad.

Disclaimer: Portions of this entry are fictional because at the time of writing I thought it was funny.  I'm sure you can figure it out.