Christmas in Korea

Sitting in my classroom now.  It's 9am.  The packed, grey remnants of the first snowfall cover the streets and sidewalks.  The air outside is dry and cold despite the overwhelming brightness of the early morning sun.  In an hour I'm going to get onto a coach bus with my co-workers for 48 hours of Korean madness.  I'll spend what little remaining sanity I'm privy to now relating the events of my Christmas weekend.

Christmas Eve: Those of us who live in and around Tapdong met at Mary Beth's house for some pre-game holiday cheer.  I had already realized that Koreans don't make as big of a deal about Christmas as westerners.  To them it's just a day off that they use taking their girlfriends on dates.  Over the past week I had begun to miss corny Christmas songs, tacky decorations, and blatent consumerism.  Never before did I think that I'd be nostalgic about materialism.  So when I arrived at the yuletide mausoleum that Mary Beth had turned her apartment into, a warm tingle of home invaded my heart.  A Christmas tree with presents under it, colored lights, tinsel, cookies, and...yes, savor the moment...eggnog.  Thanks MB for so vivaciously embracing the holiday spirit.

After a breif exchange of presents we moved up to the station to have dinner at where else, but Heejay's.  As usual it was a wild time with wonderful, attractive people that can only be accurately recalled due to the amount of photographs taken.  By the way, that handsome Korean guy is the man himself, Heejay.

Christmas Day: Miserable weather.  At one point the fog was so thick that it was impossible to see more than a few hundred feet out over the rooftops.  We spent the morning at Mary Beth's watching Home Alone and eating salmon eggs benedict.  Delicious! 

Later, an attempt to go bowling was made but ultimately thwarted due to overcrowding and inconvieniencing on the part of some handsome Polish dude.  I played video games until it was time to call friends and family back home.  It wasn't the best Christmas ever but it certainly stands out from the pack.

The Day After Christmas: Decided I would feel better about the holiday's if I blew some cash so went to Seoul with my friend Haley to do some shopping.  I spent about 45,000 Won on T-Shirts.  She spent about 400,000 Won on a Wii.  Niceuh.  Duk-Galbi for dinner.

The Day After The Day After Christmas: Laundry, Video Games, Ramen.  A knock on my door.  Upon opening I was too surprised to see three inches of snow on the ground to notice Josh and Mary-Beth waiting in ambush. 

Had my reaction time been anything less than cat-like I would have surely been laid upon with snow and ice.  Pizza School then Sherlock Holmes (I thought it was fairly entertaining).

Cool Thing About Korea #41: It actually snows here.  I was beginning to think it wouldn't.

Santarchy (AKA Santacon) 2009

Santarchy was completely awesome.  I don't want to go into detail about the evening and the pictures don't tell the half of it but you get the idea.

 

I've developed a serious sense of belonging here in Korea.  With every nutty day at work, night on the town, or new friend I meet this country is beginning to feel more and more like home.  I'm sure I'll go back to the states for a few months after this contract but the prospect of returning here and making a life becomes increasingly more feasible every week.  With those sentiments comes an apathetic attitude towards this blog.  I started it so that people back home could see what life was like here but as time goes on I'm beginning to crave a little anonymity.  Life in my hometown feels so foreign and stagnant in comparison to my current circumstances.  Plus keeping up on this thing is a lot of work and there is really no pay off.  It generates about $1.50/month in advertising and nobody really comments on it anymore. I promised myself that I'd see it through for a year but unless aliens land or war breaks out I doubt I'll be updating it on a weekly basis anymore.  To everyone who still checks in thank you and Happy Holidays from the ROK!

Spontaneous Korea Awareness

My classes have either been canceled or shortened today so that the students can receive the latest round of government mandated H1N1 inoculations.  I can't understand what all the paranoia is about.  Between the anti-viral masks, bottles of hand sanitizer (which the students love to spray in each others faces), and the mandatory temperature checks I'm beginning to think it's getting excessive.  Poor kids might as well be walking around in Hazmat suits.  I have yet to see a student exhibiting flu symptoms.  And even if they were showing signs just give them some chicken soup, a few days of bed rest, and a comic book.  It worked for Mom.  It can work for Korea.

Regardless of why my schedule has been shortened I'm left with a lot of extra time to kill in the office and I'm getting sick of surfing Facebook or Youtube.  Sounds like perfect conditions to write a new blog entry.  With that in mind I'd like to go into a little more detail about my Thanksgiving weekend and discuss a phenomenon that I like to call Spontaneous Korea Awareness. 

My last blog entry sucked...I know.  With only a few hours left I wanted to get one final entry in for the month of November and in a lucid state of mind I thought a witty poem about my chronic turkey relapse would be kinda funny.  I took a moment to re-read what I wrote during the late hours of November 30th and as it turns out I am neither witty nor funny.  I would like to apologize to the 183 hits (yes I count) on my blog since then for such an unsatisfactory read.  That said, here's what I really feel about Thanksgiving.

It's important to understand just how much I love turkey.  For me, eating turkey is right up there with driving another person's car really fast or smoking an expensive cigar.  Back home we have this place called Capriotti's which serves a sandwich called The Bobby.  It's basically a hoagie roll with mayonnaise, turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.  Hmmm...I'm getting aroused just thinking about it.  When last Thursday rolled around it was difficult not to imagine that moist, golden bird sitting on the table surrounded by pies, casseroles, string beans, and biscuits.  I love seeing every part of my family during the holidays but Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Tina's was always a favorite.  Playing football in the backyard before the sun goes down.  The banquet laid out on the pool table.  Trying not to trip over the pack of nieces and nephews whose names I've just about given up trying to remember.  It's strange to think that I was once one of those little kids gunning around the basement on fruit punch, weaving under tables and tackling my brothers on the wrestling mat.  When the football game comes on the family is already well into the desserts and it wouldn't be unusual to end up in the tool shed, sipping whiskey and trading stories with the men.  Good times.  Good times indeed.

I have to admit that I was feeling a little homesick, remminiscing on all those good times as I choked down the school's octopus soup and kimchi, knowing that the only thing I could think of to be thankful for that day was the 2lb bag of frozen mondu in my freezer.  Just as I was about to put an end to my despair on the nearest subway tracks, redemtion came in the form of a Facebook message from MB informing me that there was a full-blown Thanksgiving dinner in Bundang.  I didn't have to be told twice.  Stuffing my face with fellow English speakers was exactly what I had been hoping for and the spread at Mia's house far exceeded my expectations.  Mac-n-Cheese, mashed potatoes, stuffing, more pumpkin pie than 28 people could even begin to eat, and of course...the turkey.  Thick, grey chunks of moist, dark meat and sinewy slices of white.  It was heaven on a paper plate.  As I enjoyed the evening with a multi-national crew of new and old friends alike it occured to me how blessed I am to have such wonderful people and such a wondeful country in my life.  I think that on this Thanksgiving I genuinely had more to be thankful for than on any previous year. 

The remainder of my weekend was also more than outstanding but enough about me.  I'd love to tell you about my buddy Josh from the mystical land of Seattle.  If you're ever feeling out of sorts or beginning to question the nonsensical descisions you may have made in life, Josh always manages to say the thing you absolutely need to hear with such irrefutable logic it will leave you awestruck and devoid of reposte.  Josh is also a writer and unlike the dribble I manage to churn out on a weekly basis, Josh's writing is actually good.  On the bus back from Bundang I had an oppurtunity to read some of Josh's fiction and find it compelling.  I'd love to post some of it here if the man agrees.  It will blow your mind.  Josh can also cook the best hamburger/sweet potatoe fries I've ever tasted, taught me how to love a woman and scold a child, will run circles around you in basketball, and can often be seen jogging down the block with a refridgerator on his back.  Here's to you Josh.

That brings us to the ever increasing phenomena that I like to call Spontaneous Korea Awareness or S.K.A.  After eight months in the Land of the Morning Calm a sense of the ordinary begins to envelope your daily activities.  The people, language, and surroundings become accepted and sometimes monotonous parts of life that you find yourself taking for granted.  Just another day at the office as they say.  But it is during these moments of everyday tedium that you will suddenly be struck by S.K.A., the symptoms of which include an intense awakening to reality while verbally declaring, "Holy Sh#t I'm in Korea!"  I like to equate the sensation of S.K.A. to the sudden impact of a giant wave after hours floating in a tranquil body of water.  The following are a few scenarios in which I've personally experienced the onset of Spontaneous Korea Awareness:
1.) Conducting vulgar conversations on a bus or subway while being fully aware that no one understands you.
2.) Seeing middle age women start fighting people on the street and not finding it strange.
3.) Drinking beer in public places.
4.) Having a full meal in a tent on the sidewalk at 5am.
5.) Not being surprised to discover that a person's daily commuter is a fork lift and watching them parallel park it.
6.) Observing middle age women fight over who gets to recycle the cardboard in my trash.
7.) Watching dogs run down the street and being able to discern which are pets and which are food.
8.) Strolling through neon lit alleys early in the morning, proud that you can finally read all the signs...even if you don't know what they mean.
9.) Fake blind people and snake-oil salesmen on the subways.
10.) Having a rare turkey dinner with charming individuals from various places around the world.

Cool Thing About Korea #40:  Discovering who you are and what you're made of.

A Lost Love Unexpectedly Found

So it came to pass in time

 That inevitable affliction left to mortals

My heart was torn, shattered, and empty

Resentful, a cold barren portal

I needed that love so badly

An affair left half a world away

Memories of delicious times together

Are painful blows amongst the fray

Considering the attributes of what I had

Qualities unappreciated before the waste

Golden skin and luscious legs

Curves, texture, smell and taste

Thursday past was the day we shared

But nowhere in Korea could my love be found

I grew desperate, hungry, manical

Ambitions trodden to the ground

And low In My Darkest Hour

Prospects with my beloved murky

Divine news came via Facebook

"Dinner in Bundang.  Come eat turkey!"

Hark the angels sounded horns!

Blinding light and soulful peace!

I couldn't spend Thanksgiving with family

But we'd still be having a feast!

Mia's place was packed with

Korean friends new and old

Through mouthfuls of stuffing and poultry

Good jokes and stories were told

Eight months of teaching English

Not a morsel of dark or white

Like a man condemmed to death

I savored every little bite

To acquire turkey in this country

Is no easy feat

I'd like to thank all who were there

For allowing me to share their meat

The memories made this weekend

Were both delicious and somewhat hazy

 I'm suprised I did much at all

For the tryptophan makes me lazy.

Cool Thing About Korea #39:  Alcohol is such an ingrained part of Korean society that it's hardly considered a drug.  People here won't even conduct business with each other unless it's over a few bottles of soju because the mentality is that alcohol reveals a persons true character.  In fact, most crimes in Korea carry a lesser sentence if the perpetrator was intoxicated when the crime was committed.  The rationale behind this being that the subject was mentally impaired.  Fortunately, recent legislation is seeking to revise these ass-backwards policies and to start holding people accountable for their actions.

P.S. - Thanks for forgiving me for breaking your collar bone.  You know who you are. 

Suwon...in Technicolor

I discovered today that Korean students are only taught six of the seven continents.  Antarctica doesn't exist.  Seriously, if you are a teacher here ask your student to name all the continents.  Mind Blowing.  Anyway, here's a shoddy little video I threw together that chronicles my Korean stomping grounds.


Also, my buddy Mike is an awesome chef who was recently on TV for demoing Osso Buco.  Mike, I just picked up French Wine for Dummies so when you open your restaurant keep me in mind for Sommelier.


Cool Thing About Korea #38: Blacking out in public. http://blackoutkorea.blogspot.com/

Twenty Five and Still Alive

Try these jams on for size.  Courtesy of Al Blumenauer.


Disclaimer: I ordinary don't go into too much detail about what is said or done at the clubs.  I consider this a PG publication that attempts to focus on my cultural experiences in Korea and I like to think it's a little classier than your fraternity brother's Saturday night Facebook updates.  With that in mind, this weekend was my 25th birthday so if you don't want to read about how many beers I slammed in a 72 hour window of time (fhrummhmm mom hrumm) then come back next week.  That being said a lot of cool stuff has happened that I have to write about so I'm not going to waste any more time with clever attention-getters or any other form of rhetorical foreplay.  Let's just cut into the meat of this thing.

Two weekends ago I found out that my buddy Justin is working for the Navy here in Korea with his beautiful wife Katie.  Haven't seen the guy since high school so when he told me they were coming to visit Seoul I had to go meet up with them.  Spent hours eating galbi and reminiscing of simpler times.  You know those conversations: "Remember when [some iconic event from adolescence] happened?" and "I wonder what [some guy from our mutual past] is up to."  Also cleaned up on cricket, spent too much money, and tackled Matt to the floor in a Burger King.  Typical night in Itaewon.

Last Monday was both touching and peculiar.  During the ten minute break between first and second period Mr. Kim, the janitor/handyman/coolest guy working at Chilbo comes into my office with a bottle of soju and two shot glasses.
Me- "Dude what are you doing?  It's not even 10 a.m.  There's 12 year old kids everywhere and we're supposed to be working."
Mr. Kim as he continues to crack open the bottle-"Okay okay okay.  No problem.  Your birthday this weekend."
Me - "No man.  Let's slow down.  I gotta be a role model here.  I'll have a few with you later."
Mr. Kim leaves, looking disappointed, but returns a several minutes later, now with three shot glasses and the Principle in tow.
Me - "Oh geez.  Is this for real?  Can't we at least wait till after lunch fellas?"
Mr. Kim as he pours out the soju - "It is okay.  It is your birthday.  Happy birthday."
Principle - "Happy Birthday."
Me - "It certainly appears that way.  Weehioh!"
That morning pick-me-up was no isolated event either.  Mr. Kim returned to my room with soju shots every 45 minutes for the rest of the day.  By 4 PM I was singing show tunes.  Now I don't condone drinking alcohol on the job.  Especially when that job is to enrich the lives of children.  But it's one thing to be a responsible adult and another thing entirely to insult the boss.

That wasn't even the best part of the day.  After school I was called down to a classroom on the second floor where a party was being held for anyone who had a birthday in November (which happened to be three female teachers and myself).  Because it was such a special occasion the four of us we're allowed to sit at the same table as the Principle and his posse even though we are but lowly foot-pegs on the coat-rack that is a Confucian hierarchy (unavoidable sarcasm).  The Principle gave me 10,000 Won worth of gift cards, which was nice, but I can't read them enough to know where to spend them.  Also had massive quantities of Duk-bulgogi, Fried Chicken, cake, and beer forced upon me.  It was a fantastic time and I'm happy that I have such thoughtful, outgoing co-workers to be with day to day.  I'll miss these guys.

School was closed on Thursday because the students had to take some sort of test to see if they're smart enough to go to high school.  When they say take the day off I don't ask too many questions.  But it was a beautiful day for walking around town.  I went up to the fortress with Renee and her co-worker Mi-Jeong.  I wanted to get some video for a project I keep putting off but forgot to charge my camera.  No matter, Renee is freakin Michelangelo with photo editing software.

I think the highlight of that particular day took place on the summit of Hwaesong.  As we were gazing out at the awe-inspiring city below us this wiry little Korean guy starts running around, throwing fists at the air, and yelling, "Beautiful oh so beautiful."  His energy was addicting and I couldn't contain myself so I ran at him screaming "Woo Hoo."  Then we did a chest bounce and started high-fiving.  I knew he was no ordinary Korean because his English was too good.  He gave me his card and I learned that he was Grand Master of a Tae Kwon Do academy in Los Angeles, born in Korea and back with his wife for a visit.  He also told me to call him by his nickname - Manhattan Beach Wind Run Man.  For a few minutes he was very entertaining but then he started rambling about how radically his home country has changed, kids not respecting their parents, and other topics of moral degradation in society that senior citizens his age worry themselves about.  At one point during his frantic and progressively angrier rant he began to disrespect the good old US of A.  I was considering tackling him to the ground and spoon feeding him an American flag but I restrained myself.  Don't get me wrong, I'd love to add a Tae Kwon Do Grandmaster to my list of "People Who Have Crossed Me and Lived to Regret It" but there were ladies present and I didn't want to startle them by "hulking out."

I was technically supposed to work on Friday but I decided to use a sick day and make it a four day weekend.  I justified this lapse in responsible behavior with three reasonable assertions:
1.) I only had one class scheduled as the students would be studying for speaking tests.
2.) It was my birthday weekend and I'm awesome.
3.) Perky and I were up all night cranking heavy metal.

Instead of working I slept until sometime in the early afternoon.  Then I ran the mountain before spending an inappropriate amount of time admiring myself in the mirror.  That night we were back out on the town.  Events worth noting include being a general nuisance to people around me, meeting this cool hipster named JoJo, and falsely assuming that people from Thailand drink like little girls.

Saturday: The Showdown.  The Big Hoorah.  The day I leave the ranks of sullen 24-year-olds clinging to beer-pong-house-parties behind only to join the club of distinguished mid-twenties baccalaureates siphoning every ounce of fun from the next few years before that big three-oh rolls over on the clock and I'm expected to be well on my way to a career.  But honestly 25 feels no different than 24.

Started the night off at 8 PM where everyone knows your name, Heejays.  In the solid five hours we spent there we likely consumed every bottle of beer in the house as well as a bottle of strawberry wine from Heejay himself, a bottle of Apple flavored bamboo wine from Songhi, a bottle of nitromethane used in Top Fuel drag racers from Brett and Jessica, an enormous chocolate cake, and endless plates of raw meat.

From there the night spiraled downward to include indescribable forms of debauchery that I would be loath to entrust with my best friend let alone publish on a website.  I would like a reputable company to actually hire me one day.  I can tell you however that this cool guy Chris let me drive his car around Suwon which was awesome because I haven't driven anything in like 7 months.  There's no rush quite like navigating 90 horses worth of KIA through 2 AM traffic in Korea.  Buy the Ticket.  Take the Ride.

Despite dropping into bed long after the morning sun had surmounted Gwanggu-San, I still managed to be up and refreshed at the respectable hour of 1 PM.  Then I want to Outback with Perky and Matt.  I stuffed myself with ribs and chicken.  Perky paid.  Thanks Perky.

Cool Thing About Korea #37: Aside from all the fantastic people here that make life worth living I have been seeing these gorgeous blue and white birds recently.  Now I'm no bird expert but I'm fairly certain that these particular specimens are Cyanoptila Cyanomelana, more commonly known as Blue and White Flycatchers, and that they are migrating away from the communist oppression to the north.

Awesome!

Been too distracted to write anything lately but I promise I'll have something up soon.  In the meantime, here is a essay that was written by a student of my friends Perky and David that is hilarious.

Theme: My dream

I have many dreams.
Because, I want to do many thing.
Exemplification, a president, a doctor, a math teacher, a sniper, a god, a dentist, a never die of people, a police officer, an office worker, a king, a computer programer, a scientist, whatever.
A president is same a country and many people manager, I think that is fun.
A doctor do patient healing have many money.
A math teacher is math is very hard, and like of a game, so I love it.
A sniper is I think shooting long gun like fun.
A god is I want to remove earth warming.
A dentist is same a doctor.
A never die of people is I want not die.
A police officer is taking criminal in custody is very nice and I think that is like fun.
An office worker is my father is an office worker.
A king is same a president, too.
A computer programer is make computer virus removing game.
A scientist is make a never die medicine and I eat that.
I want my future is a scientist.
Because I want not die.

See the original text on Perky's blog.

Cool Thing About Korea #36:  I don't smoke but cigarettes are $2 a pack.  And that's good for all my friends who do smoke.

Various Thoughts

I'm suddenly inspired to write some thoughts down.  I should be finishing my lesson plan for next week but as I was eating my lunch I felt a great urge to tickle the old keyboard for a few minutes.  Nothing truly inspirational to note.  No political opinions or social commentary.  Just things that have been going through my head over the past few weeks regarding my day to day activities that I feel compelled to document at this particular point in time.

But first check out this Korean commercial.  I'm pretty sure it's an advertisement for a bank and I think it's just super.


So where to start.  Well, since this sudden desire to convey my thoughts came at lunch time perhaps I'll start there.  Lunches in school suck.  That's not to say that Korean food sucks...it's just that school lunches suck.  This is a sentiment shared by almost every expat teacher I know.  There might be one day out of twenty when the food is not something gross like gelatin cubes and seaweed soup or dried, bony fish with yesterday's kimchi.  In fact, I'm trying to write a piece on the sub-standard quality of Korean school lunches sometime soon.  If you are a English teacher in Korea and have a few moments maybe you can help me.  One day take a picture of what you had to eat and e-mail it to me.  Your co-teachers won't mind you snapping shots during lunch.  They're used to foreigners doing weird things.

I'm also trying to do a video post soon on my favorite Korean city and home for the past few months, Suwon.  I've been carrying my camera around for the past week or so, shooting some B-roll, but I really want to do this one right.  I think that past video's I've posted are all right but still a little amateurish.  The problem is with the voice-over.  I'm currently using the latest iMovie software and can't figure out how it will let me record the voice-over first and then let me match the video to it.  In past videos I've laid down the footage first and then tried to match my voice to the video segments.  This always makes me sound, how should I say...douchebagy.  When I do the next vid I'll probably try to do the voiceover in GarageBand and then import it to iMovie.  Yeah...that'll work.

While I'm talking technical stuff, I've currently found a hobby in the completely legal practice of backing up XBOX360 games for an online friend of mine who I've never met.  I'm "testing" these backups on my personal 360 that I had modified in Yongsan.  The modifications include the chip, cooling fans, and having the optical drive flashed, though I'm unsure what version of iXtreme this has been done with. This complicates things when it comes to knowing what wave the game has to be stealth patched for.  I'm using a MacBook so once I unRar the .iso file I run it through abgx360 and it usually comes out fine.  Then I've been using OSX360 to mount the game to a Dual Layer DVD.  I've got 1 or 2 games to work but as I'm an amateur I've ended up with a lot of coasters.  Most tutorials recommend using Verbatim discs but in Korea I can't seem to find any so I've been using Memorex.  Maybe this is the problem.  If you're someone who understands any of this and you've done it before, maybe you can offer me some advice.

So tickets have finally been purchased and confirmed for Thailand in January.  I'm pretty excited about this.  There is probably too much for me to try to do there with only eleven days but if I get to pet a real tiger and attend a Full Moon party I'll be happy.  If there is extra time and financial resources I'd like to got to Cambodia to blow a cow up with a rocket launcher.  There's also a city called Phucket which we'll try to hit.  I'm curious as to what a city with that kind of name has to offer.  My brother Jonathan Smokowicz was talking about flying over to visit us while we were there but he recently chickened out.  Dang brother, I was really looking forward to drinking snake blood in the jungle while giving each other satanic tattoos with razor blades and Sharpie pens.  If anyone has some free time why not message this guy on Facebook and persuade him not to be such a quitter.

The school has been freezing this week because the Principle refuses to turn the heat on, but aside from teaching in a heavy overcoat classes have gone surprisingly well.  I'm showing the kids a Korean disaster flick called Haeundae while we discuss natural disasters.  It's about a tsunami that hits a beach town on the south side of the country and it was one of the biggest movies over the summer.  Most Koreans I talk to love it.  Probably I'm sure, because it comes from their domestic film industry and not Hollywood. It's like a national treasure here.  They actually got the government intelligence agency involved when people started pirating it.  But I think it's one of the worst pieces of cinema I've ever seen...and I'm not saying Koreans can't make good movies.  I mean, look at Old Boy.  Despite being a blatent remake of the Count of Monte Cristo it was a work of art.  Great character development, an engaging plot line, brutal cinemography, and action sequences you can watch over and over again.  But Haeundai is absolutely terrible.   It's really just an hour and a half, wishy-washy love story with ten minutes of action.  And even then the action isn't great.  Just a fake CGI tidal wave smashing into a fake CGI city.  Boo.  But maybe I hate it a little more than the average viewer because I've seen it 19 times this week.

Well, I think that's all I've got for now.  I'm sure something else will hit me later but I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.  I love you Korea and this weekend I'll show you just how much.

Cool Thing About Korea #35:  Korean women, whether they are 15 or 35, all look like they're 22.  It's a dangerous place.

Demo Class and Halloween...as it were.

Last Thursday I had a demo class.  This is when administrators, parents, and even fellow English teachers can show up at your class and observe you in your element.  I've always been comfortable with public speaking and I've never received complaints about the lessons I put together so it should just be another day at the office right?  Wrong.  These classes are more to demonstrate the proficiency of your Korean co-teacher and the schools willingness to adapt the government regulated standards than to exhibit the native English teacher performing their day to day duties.

Firstly, when I was approached about the demo class Ms. Song asked that the topic be "Learning to Order Food."  Okay, whatever...it's a boring topic that I exhausted on my first week in the country but it's their show so I'll comply.  Secondly, I was told that we would be using the DISC format for teaching the class.  The easy way to explain this is to say that it's a means of breaking the students up into groups and letting the smart kids do all the work.  I believe that we're technically supposed to use this method all of the time but it's pretty stupid and in my opinion doesn't help build the confidence of the lower level students.  Again, it's their song and dance so I'll just keep my mouth shut on this one.  Lastly, though I had compiled all of the materials and was mentally prepared Ms. Song insisted that we cancel other classes so that we could practice with the demo kids.  I tried to argue that providing the students with answers so that we could look good in front of school administrators was cheating and that I was morally and ethically opposed but she only responded with, and I quote, "This is the Korean way." 

So I eventually gave in and went along with their little masquerade.  Not that my opinions on the matter had changed, it's just that I was no longer very convicted to them.  "The weekend is only a few more classes away," I reminded myself.  Right before the class started Ms. Song kept trying to convince me that we needed more material; a game of Golden Bell, a worksheet, etc.  I was positive that we had more than we could cover in 45 minutes already so I just kind of ignored her.  She was a nervous wreck the entire time, shaking, forgetting what to say. I guess I would be too if my job was on the line but let's be honest, they ain't gonna fire me.  I cost too much to replace.  Fortunately, with my confident demeanor, soothing baritone voice, and natural good looks I was able to take the attention off of her and teach a first rate lesson.  The students had fun, the audience was impressed.  Hell, Ms. Song probably got a payraise just standing next to me.

After school they asked me to join a meeting in the auditorium with the Chilbo faculty as well as a bunch of Principles and administrators from nearby schools.  It was all in Korean so naturally I was bored out of my mind.  There was a Korean powerpoint showing Korean slides of Korean policies to be enacted by the Korean staff in Korean schools.  At one point all of the Korean Principles started handing each other shiny plaques in velvet lined boxes, shaking hands, posing for photos ops, and generally congratulating each other on having reached the summit of the educational hierarchy.

Towards the end the speaker motioned for me to come to the podium.  I turned to Ms. Huh for an explanation.  "They want you to go say a few words," she said.
"Ms. Huh," I countered politely,"out of the 40 or so people in this room there are only two that will understand anything I am saying."
"That is okay.  They only want to hear you talk because you are a foreigner."  Well I'm no show-pony but if they want to hear the foreigner talk they got it.  I proceeded towards the podium, moved up to the microphone, and with deathly seriousness in my eyes delivered the following dialougue:

"Greetings Koreans.  I am Eric of the Popielarski tribe from the wastes to the North.  I was born to a great warrior clan who pillaged and destroyed all who would oppose them with brutal savagery.  (At this point my English speaking co-teachers are laughing) When I was twelve I became both hunter and man.  When I was sixteen I had many slaves.  By the time I was 18 years of age I was the leader of my own clan, powerful and without mercy I was.  But the life of a warlord is tiring and without cessation.  Within but a few harvests the conquering of peasants became bitter and unfullfilling, like ashes in my mouth.  I left the tribe and trekked to the south.  After many adventures I found myself in Korea, content to eat Kimchi, possess your women, and influence your children with my barbarish tongue and political doctrine."  Then I politely bowed and made my way back to my seat, relishing in the unknowing applause and satisfied smiles.  That night I celebrated my triumph at Josh's house with bacon cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, and cold mojitos.

So eventually Friday afternoon rolled around as it always does.  I had grand aspirations for Halloween weekend.  Perky's friend Barry was new in town so I showed him around Suwon Station while I tried to find items for my costume.  Barry's a good guy, has a positive outlook on life and an unusually enthusiastic interest in the Megaman francise.  In time I gave up trying to find the bowler cap, white suspenders, and cane that I would need to complete my Clockwork Orange costume and we simply headed to Heejay's with Mike.  The proceedings of my Friday night continued with reckless abandon but were highlighted by a 3:30 am meal of Cheesuh Del Casuh (sp?) which is basically deep fried pork and cheese.  Yum.

I'd like to say that I went hogwild on Halloween.  That I ran idiotically through the streets of Seoul dancing with ghouls, picking fights with little dogs, and waking in a sweaty jinjibang between a polar bear and a cowboy.  But such is unfortuanately not the case.  The original plan was to head into Seoul for an all day music festival but when Perky and Barry stopped by my house on Saturday morning it was pouring rain.  We hung out at Mike's house for a bit hoping the weather would clear but it never did.  Those guys eventually braved the madness of the city but I was feeling apathetic about wandering around soaking wet until 6 am, so I hung around Suwon.  I still had a great time hanging with a small crew at Josh's house watching scary movies (if you haven't seen Paranormal Activity go watch it in the dark by yourself tonight) but the events of the evening weren't exactly what you'd call a "Deadly Quest."  For Halloween night I sort of feel that I let you down loyal reader...but there's a bit of a bright side to my boring night in.  The 100,000 Won or so that I would have blown in Seoul that night has just been applied to my airline tickets to Bangkok.  Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos here I come.  In a few months you'll be privy to fascinating tales involving putting tigers in headlocks, riding elephants, Full Moon parties, and shooting cows with rocket launchers.  Lucky you. 

Cool Thing About Korea #34: Receiving care packages.  Thanks Mom and Dad.

Disclaimer: Portions of this entry are fictional because at the time of writing I thought it was funny.  I'm sure you can figure it out.

SUWON BY THE WAY!

Good-lordy was it gorgeous this weekend!  After a week of near shivering temperatures Suwon was surprisingly graced with summer-like warmth and sunshine.  I could have spent the weekend in flip flops had I not already stowed them somewhere under my bed in exchange for a fresh pair of Etnies.

After a quick sprint to the mountain I showered and joined a small part of the Topdang crew for an early dinner at Heejay's.  Then it was on to Bundang for a Book Exchange and Capture the Flag.  I didn't bring any books to trade as (per Perky's enthusiastic suggestion) I am currently spending what little reading time I have on a mediocre Steven King novel called Duma Key.  I'm about a fifth of the way through and still hoping that the plot takes an interesting turn somewhere but it starting to seem like Mr. King doesn't even care anymore.  There's none of the passion he had for novels like The Stand, Pet Cemetary, The Regulators, etc....but I'm getting off topic.  Having no literature to contribute to the collective, I spent my time cleaning up on the pool table and taking in native English conversation like a starving man eating double cheeseburgers. 

Late in the night the crew migrated to a nearby park for Capture the Flag.  Having no stealthy qualities about me I was taken prisoner early in the game.  Aside from tattooing gang symbols on fellow inmates and crafting shivs from beer cans and plastic bags I spent my time in prison trying to find the enemy's flag...but to no avail.  Eventually I was back in the game but it was called short when a friend fractured his collar-bone and had to go to the hospital.  Though variables such as wet-grass and alcohol undoubtedly had a hand in the incident I am ashamed to say that it was my awkward, lumbering mass that delivered the blow.  I'm deeply sorry that you spent the weekend in surgery buddy.  It's all fun and games till someone invites a 240lb Polish gorilla onto the field.  Sometimes I see myself as Lenny from Of Mice and Men; a tragic gentle giant who, not knowing his own strength, destroys all that is good and beautiful around him.

Saturday went well in that I managed to make it through the day with out breaking anything or injuring anyone.  I dragged myself out of bed around noon because the two Matt's were banging away at my door.  As you can see Matt #1 had an equally engaging evening, having awoken with a swollen eye, the cause of which he cannot accurately remember.

After a pot of black coffee and loud heavy metal I met the group up at Pizza School for an event I have been putting off all summer: A Suwon Bluewings game.  Yes, I had been meaning to go to one of the local soccer games for quite a few weeks now but it always seems as if something of slightly more consequence is occupying my weekend.  Well, not this Saturday.  As it was the last home game of the season (and Josh gave me his season pass (which I think was once Jareds so thanks to both of you)) I was committed to attending.  From Topdong we piled into two cabs and having a penchant for friendly competition combined with provoking taunts from Perky, I offered the cabbie a hefty tip (about $2) if he could beat the lesser group to World Cup Stadium.  There were some hairpining turns, near wrecks, and blind manuevers...much like any other taxi ride in Korea...but in the end it wasn't much of a competition at all.  Our man had clearly taken to the challenge and was the superior autoist, a seasoned and cunning chauffeur who knew every inch of the road as well as he knew the performance thresholds of his trusty machine. 

The World Cup Stadium is an impressively clean and modern complex.  A great part is that (unlike in America) prices aren't marked up 500% at the concession stands.  I got a large beer and a chicken sandwich for about the same price as I would have paid at a convienience store.  We sat next to the Suwon Bluewing Skullcrew, an enthusiastic group of soccer hooligans who don't cease their banging of drums, waving of flags, or cheering for a single moment of the game.  Their dedication is heartmoving.  Since all the cheers were in Korean I usually just joined in by uttering whatever gutteral noise my primitive western brain could similarly conjure.  Though I was often sure they were literally screaming "SUWON BLUEWINGS!" all I heard was "SUWON BY THE WAY!"

Aside from being my first time at a Bluewings game, it was also my first time at a professional soccer game.  The scoring in soccer is a little slow but the game play is exceptional and worthy of adoration.  I'd give it 7.5 out of 10 as far as live sporting events I have attended.

Following the game it was back to the station for the second night in a row at HeeJay's.  Man, I love that place.

When we were full of meat and beer Brian convinced a good number of us to go to norebang.  I have said before that I prefer karaoke over norebang, the fundamental difference being that karaoke is done in front of a large group of strangers whereas norebang is conducted in a small room with just your friends, but after this particular experience I'd have to say that I now rate the two almost equally.  This bang was hot!  Floor to ceiling mirrors, leather couches, a second floor loft, chandeliers, tasteful disco lights, and a music selection unlike any I've seen yet in the country.  Thanks for a great time Brian.  You will be missed.

So that's another unforgettable weekend in The Land of the Hazy Morning Subway Rides.  Thanks again for reading.

Cool Thing About Korea #33:Mondu

Halfway Home

As of today I've been in Korea for six months.  When you consider a milestone like that it puts things in perspective and you can't help but reflect.  I think about that first night walking through the door of my Topdong apartment and wondering, "What the hell are you doing here?" I think about things I didn't realize I had till they were gone.  I think about the ways I've grown and changed in the past 183 days.  But most of all, I think about the reasons I wanted to come here in the first place.  In my first blog entry I wanted to come to Korea for self-satisfaction, adventure, and to save money.  Let's reflect on those sentiments and see where they stand today.

Have I found satisfaction as an English teacher?  There are rewarding moments when you see one of the kids grasp a concept and it's ridiculously easy for a full time job, but if there is anything I have learned in this field it is that I don't want to do it for the rest of my life.  I suppose it's fine for now but I need something a little more technical to keep me interested and I'm not sure an English degree is going to help me in that direction.  It is a realization I would not have come to without the time spent here but with that in mind I think I'll be returning to school when my contract is over to pursue a more scientific degree.

Well how about adventure then?  With that one we undoubtedly hit the nail on the head.  There is always something exciting going on in Korea and the foreigners who live here have a daring zeal about them unlike many other people I've ever met.  It's hard to walk down the street without being intrigued by something and if you can't find a far-out way to spend the weekend then you're either fresh in the country or you just don't go out much.  But adventure doesn't always have to be whitewater rafting or bungee jumping.  At least four times a week I run to the top of Chilbo San and simply gaze out at the ever expanding city, lost in thought and amazement.  It's both epic and humbling at the summit.  A place of sanctuary and clarity to work through uneasy thoughts.  I love that mountain and will carry its memory with me throughout life.

So have I saved any money?  I've thrown a couple bucks at the student loans but with the opportunities for travel and experience here I am unfortunately not as wealthy as I originally anticipated.  Oh well, still have six more months to straighten that out. 

There is quite a bit I am excited to accomplish in the short time I have left here (exploring Thailand is situated at the top of the list) and though the prospect of finishing it all seems unlikely the thought of wasting even a moment on trivialities concerns me.  On the other hand there is a lot to miss about home and I think only the most intrepid of globetrotters would be telling the truth if they said they weren't even a little homesick.  I miss family and friends, American food, and driving a convertible late into the night through the West Chester countryside amongst other things.  But as the past six months have evaporated behind me like wisps of temporal mist so I expect shall the remainder of this term persist in a fleeting march and thus I am dedicated to seizing this beast of a nation by the throat and throttling every bit of experience, culture, friendship, and fun out of her.  I have given up small comforts to be here.  Sacrificed things I held dear that I know I will never get back.  But I am a better, smarter, and more mature man because of my time in Korea and I regret none of it.  May the next six months be as enlightening, rewarding, and action-packed as the last.

Cool Thing About Korea #32: Lotte

Traditional Korean Village

This month has been flying. Last week I didn’t even have any work to do because of mid-terms so I slept at my desk until noon and then got to go home early. This week I’m playing Battleship with the kids and it’s a bunch of fun. The Merkles are exploring the southern end of the peninsula for a few days but I’m sure they’ll be back for some Seoul action before their plane leaves on Friday. Last weekend was pretty hardcore. I’ll keep the grittier details out of this PG publication but we tore up Itaewon until after the sun came up. Exactly a week ago we visited the Traditional Korean Village. Here’s a video I threw together while watching episodes of Entourage.


Cool Thing About Korea #31: In a Seoul bar we discovered an interesting tonic known as Agwa that I have never seen before in the states. I wouldn't surprise me if it's illegal in many places.

Global Fair 2009

Wow, my friends Derek and Heather came all the way from West Chester, Pennsylvania to hang out with me and see the Land of the Morning Calm. The day after they got here we went to Global Fair 2009. Thanks for the free tickets Mary Beth. Here's a video chronicling some of the festivities.



There was also a 3D movie that I didn't mention in the film because I didn't have any video or pictures of it...but let me just say that it was really weird. If the flying cars and geodesic spheres portrayed therein are any indication of what Korea is hoping to accomplish in Incheon than they are either over ambitious or have a lot of work to do. Anyway, I have mid-terms at school this week so no classes. I'll try to have another video up in a few days and churn out some lesson plans in my free time. Peace

Cool Thing About Korea #30: Rice Patty Hats

Happy Chuseok

Thursday afternoon I sat at my desk abusing Facebook and Youtube, glancing at the clock every few moments as the minutes crawled lethargically onward. When the hands finally registered 4:30 I grabbed my coat, skipped down to the first floor, and let out a relieving sigh as I pushed myself into the cool October afternoon. I couldn’t help but smile on the walk home, listening to the new Alice in Chains album, taking in the scenery, anticipating Chuseok weekend adventures.

Rounding the alley to my apartment I said Anyong and waved to the group of school girls smoking cigarettes on my wall. As I dug in my pocket for my keys it occurred to me that the ground around my door way was  unusually damp. I was thinking that I was going to go running up the mountain for a few hours but as I turned the key in the lock the door shot open, my running shoes riding a wave of water down the stairs. I wanted to swear but found composure. I took off my loafers and socks before wading through the pond that had formed in my kitchen. The sound of spraying was unmistakable and was coming from behind the washing machine. I turned off the valve then tried the light switch but all of the electricity was dead. I emerged from my apartment just as the girls had begun to take interest in the waygookin’s misfortune. I began calling my landlord and one of the teenagers offered me a cigarette. I usually don’t smoke but under the circumstances I figured “why not?” Two of the girls came back with buckets and a mop and began bailing water off of my floor. In half an hour everything was dry. Good kids.  For their efforts I offered some mechju and we sat around shooting the breeze until it was dark. My Korean is non-existent but their English was adequate to maintain a conversation. I learned that most of them were my neighbors and all of them were Josh’s students. In time the landlord’s sister showed up and we managed to get the power back on.

Needing to cut loose I met some of the crew near the Yuk for bowling and beer. What else can I say? It was a night on the town. I rocked out.

Yesterday I kept my promise to myself about running and did 8 miles. 2 miles to the base of the mountain, 2 along the ridge, and 4 back to Tapdong. I’m getting way better than I was only a few months ago. Lots more stamina. I never get tired of the view from on top of Chilbo San.

A couple of people went into Seoul to hit the Casinos last night but seeing as how I only ever gamble with my life, never my money, I invited Matt and Matt over to play power hour with crappy beer. It’s great having people around who can appreciate loud heavy metal until the early hours of the morning. Eventually we made our way to Jokki Jokki for fried food and Stout, many of the patrons fleeing in the wake of our confident American demeanor.

Well today is Chuseok and Tapdong is abandoned. In an hour I’ve got to go to the airport to pick up Merkel and his sister…then the real fun begins. Tomorrow is the Global Fair in Incheon. Monday is the Hite factory beer tour. I’m sure both will add up to make a great blog entry.

Cool Thing About Korea #29: The fire show at the Laos Bar

Deadly Quests is Back!

I've taken to walking home from school on these beautiful September afternoons.  The half hour stroll
allows for tranquil reflection that could not be afforded on a Suwon-Si public bus.  Near my school construction has begun to take off and two dozen steel skeleton cranes keep watch over the landscape.  Closer to Tapdong I walk through bountiful rice patties on the verge of harvest.  The vibrant and almost infinite flavors of green cascading through the fields this time of year is magnificent and calming.

So yes, this blog has been offline for a few weeks. Allow me to explain the 22 day hiatus. As you may have read in previous posts I was in the process of taking this little periodical to the next level by launching a full blown website. The idea was that running my own website would allow me to incorporate more sophisticated galleries and host my own video. I was in fact planning to buy a camcorder and start shooting mini webisodes about my adventures in Korea. For nearly three weeks I spent every spare minute teaching myself HTML, CSS, Javascript and supporting software like Dreamweaver and Photoshop. I installed more memory to my MacBook to allow it to handle RAM hungry applications.  I learned everything there is about DIVs, LightBox2 image galleries, archiving, building Flash video players, etc. At this moment I have a very impressive beta-version of the site sitting on my hard drive just waiting to get on the Internet. So why are you still reading about my Deadly Quests on a generic Blogger page? A couple of reasons actually.

The first is that for the life of me I can't seem to get web-hosting. I tried opening an account with three hosts including GoDaddy.com but every time I give them my American credit card number their fraud department freezes my account. I can't figure it out. There doesn't seem to be a problem using the card on any other site or store in Korea but web-hosting services, no matter how I try to explain it to them, won't accept a charge made from the other side of the planet. The frustration stemming from this aspect of the venture alone was enough for me to throw in the towel.

Secondly, when it comes to producing my own videos I have all the hardware I need except for a camcorder, which you'll agree is an essential component for film making. I went shopping in Yongsan for a decent flash-based camera but it ultimately came down to buying an electronic toy I may or may not use frequently or buying plane tickets to Thailand/Laos/Cambodia in January. It turns out that it wasn't that tough of a call.

Lastly, some soul searching led me to the conclusion that while writing is a fun hobby it's probably not what I want to do with the rest of my life. To waste such valuable time and assets here in Korea by maintaining and updating a website while simultaneously producing videos when a simple program like Blogger is adequate to share my stories while allowing me to actually have adventures seems kind of counter productive.

So while I could have been writing first rate blog entries chronicling new friends, faces, and places I was actually using all my time learning skills that I didn't end up using anyway. In the end I'm glad I took the time to develop an interest and base knowledge in web design as I'm sure it will come in handy in the future. Maybe in a few months I'll even take a second crack at getting the beta-version online. For now we'll both have to be content with the efficiency of simplicity as opposed to the morose of the grandiose.

In other news my all-time favorite lady-killin', car-wreckin', trouble-findin' former neighbor Merkle is flying into town with his sister next weekend and I'm sure between the three of us we'll give South Korea a run for it's money.  Also, hoping to check out Global Fair next Sunday.  Check it out here.

Cool Thing About Korea #28: Chuseok is next weekend. Woot!  It's kind of like Thanksgiving and I get a four day weekend out of it.  Read more Here! In addition, mid-terms are next week so pretty much all of my classes for the next 10 days are cancelled while students study/test.  Watching a lot of Battle Star Galactica in the classroom because I'm a big dork.

My brain hurts from learning.

Meet Josh near library. Have a cup of coffee before boarding #13 Bus towards Suwon station. Go to Burger King and get a Bulgogi burger before meeting Brett, Jess, and Matt on the second floor of the station. Head to the platform and board a subway train bound for Seoul. Relish in the light, easy conversation amongst American friends after a long week of slowing down and carefully enunciating my English.

Get off train at Anyang Station. Struggle to find the long distance bus for Ganghwa Island amidst the chaos of the city. Meet some nice police officers that point us in the right direction. Find the bus. The destination is spelled only in Korean. I consider how helpless I’d be if I never took time to learn how to read the language. Make a last minute stop at Family Mart for Cass before boarding the bus and departing the city.

We laugh and joke jovially. Halfway into the trip a man in a black suit boards the bus. He doesn’t appear drunk but he is starting a loud argument with a woman at the front of the bus. We stare interested but don’t interfere. I take out my camera and begin recording video. The argument escalates dramatically and we theorize as to what it’s about. Still we don’t interfere. The man slaps the woman forcefully across the face. Brett and I interfere. The man apologizes and gets off the bus.

The bus arrives at a deserted bus station on Ganghwa Island. We spot a map ten feet tall that is spelled on in Korean. Again I am thankful that my companions and myself have taken the time to learn how to read. We hail a cab and drive to Donmak beach.

It is dark. Nearly ten-o-clock at night. The stretch of ocean property appears to be a place for beach goers but it is deserted save for a random couple here and there. Evidence suggests that peak vacation season for Koreans has come and went. We buy food and drinks, find a place to set up a tent, and pick an open spot in the sand. The first thing we notice is that the ocean is gone. There is a sandy beach that runs down to a noticeable water line but it stops at thick brown mud stretching out as far as the eye can see. It is as if a hole opened far out in the seabed, draining all of the water from the coast.

We build a fire on the beach. No permits. No harassment from police or neighbors. Just starry night, cool breeze, and crackling flames – a priceless moment of freedom rarely afforded in the modern age. We talk and laugh. In time three Korean fellows join us. Their company is entertaining and adds an inimitable dimension to the evening. The conversation is spotty English but the enjoyable moment hardly demands comprehension. We take a cool picture where a trick of the light makes my headlamp appear to be forming a triangle.

Towards three in the morning the ocean comes back quickly but stays only for two hours before drifting back off towards the horizon.

In the light of morning we watch Koreans trekking out into the muddy distance to search for things we could not begin to speculate on. We can also see several large fishing boats lying helpless in the soft earth, their anchor lines cast but unnecessary in their current predicament.

We begin the taxi, bus, train trip back towards home. I leave the group in Anyang station. They head back to Suwon. I head towards Yongsan. In anticipation of editing AVCHD video files in a few weeks I peruse the electronics market for a good deal on computer upgrades. I find 2 gigabytes of DDR2 RAM (the max my laptop will allow) and a 320 gigabyte SATA harddrive for about $80. Both components are sold in a shady back-alley and wrapped in aluminum foil. The nefarious nature of the situation makes me laugh. I might as well be buying methamphetamine from a crack head in an old Monte Carlo parked near a strip club in Atlantic City.

At home I install hardware upgrades without any difficulty. The remainder of my weekend will be dedicated to reinstalling the latest build of OSX Snow Leopard, iLife 09, The Adobe Master Suite, countless other programs I had backed up, writing a blog entry, thinking about Rachael, continuing the on-going pursuit of web design knowledge and applying it to my semi-complete website, listening to the complete works of Rush, and drinking coffee.

Cool Thing About Korea #27: The absolutely best corn-dogs that you’ve ever had in your life. Hands down.